Carnivore Gals Won't You Come Out Tonight

This article in the NYT Style section has been making the rounds.

[sarcasm] Ladies, apparently it's now OK for you to eat meat in public, and even on a first date. Guys will think it's HAWT, seriously! As long as you're thin, that is. [/sarcasm]

'In an earlier era, conventional dating wisdom for women was to eat something at home alone before a date, and then in company order a light dinner to portray oneself as dainty and ladylike. For some women, that is still the practice. “It’s better not to have a jalapeño fajita plate, especially on the first date,” said Andrea Bey, 28, who sells video surveillance equipment in Irving, Tex., and describes herself as “curvy.” “You don’t want to be labeled as ‘princess gassy’ on the first date.”

But others, especially those who are thin, say ordering a salad displays an unappealing mousiness.' (emphasis mine)

I used the think the practice of eating small, light meals in order to appear dainty was a quaint anachronism out of Gone With The Wind. You remember the scene, where: To no avail, Mammy vigorously lectures Scarlett: "If you don't care what folks says about this family, I does. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady by the way that she eats in front of folks like a bird, and I ain't aimin' for you to go to Mr. John Wilkes's and eat like a fieldhand and gobble like a hog." Hard-headed Scarlett's response is: "Fiddle-dee-dee."

During my formative years while the etiquette of the day still dictated that if the "gentleman" was paying (and in those days they were almost always expected to), the "lady" should always order the second least expensive item on the menu whether or not it might send her into anaphylactic shock, the consideration was primarily one of economics. Then, when the first of my friends to get asked out on a date (early 70's, sophmore year in high school) spent two days agonizing about what to eat so as not to "look like a pig" I realized in some respects we were still living in the 19th century. (Her dinner date was to Bob's Big Boy, where she ended up ordering a dinner salad and iced tea.). For many years I took her example to heart, and ate very little in front of boys, especially those I was interested in. My first high school boyfriend used to bug me about my weight so while he ate a burger, I'd have a cup of coffee. My second boyfriend, who had a much saner attitude in this area, thought this was nonsense and often encouraged me to eat. In fact, on our first date he invited me to his house where made me crepes.


In the years since, I've encountered a vast range of men's attitudes toward women's eating*. On the one end of the spectrum are the guys who really do feel more comfortable with women who "eat like birds" even though they might do that faux-complaining-but-actually-bragging thing about it, "I never see her eat anything but celery sticks!" God forbid she order a sub sandwich or they start oinking at her. (Meanwhile she's probably raiding the pantry after he's gone to sleep. But not like I'd know anything about that.) Moving down the line are the men who say they like to see a woman eat, on the unspoken condition that she remain thin. Then there are the guys like the ones in my former folk dance group. Their motto was, "The secret to happiness is to keep the women fed." My kind of men. By the time I met my husband, I was secure enough to warn him early on that I get bitchy when I'm hungy.


Anyhow, this article makes me really glad I'm not out there still navigating the shoals of the dating world. Zuzu **distills the article down to its essence quite nicely:

Be yourselves, girls: order what you think he'd approve of you eating in front of him.

*My own personal theory is that there is an inverse relationship between a man's level of security with himself and his concern about what his date/girlfriend/wife is or isn't eating.

**One of Zuzu's commenters mentioned that they wouldn't be surprised if the NYT article is a "placement piece" from the Beef Council. Wouldn't surprise me either, and I say that as une femme who enjoys a nice ribeye or filet mignon on occasion.