Get a Job! Part 1 - First Impressions

Part of une femme's day job requires the periodic interviewing of prospective employees. Having seen the topic of what to wear to a job interview come up frequently on style blogs, I thought I'd chime in from the perspective of the person sitting on the other side of the desk, not only about what to wear but about the interview process in general.


Regarding what to wear, (as much as those of us who want to cling to hard-and-fast guidelines hate this) It Depends. It depends on the industry, the job, the corporate environment, whether it's a big or small company or department, whether you'll be dealing with the public or clients, and---


But wait, let's back up a minute. Let's talk about your resumé. Usually, this one or two pages (if it's longer than that, EDIT!) is what's going to determine whether you even get to the interview stage. If you can afford to work with a professional resumé service, do it. If not, here are some things to consider:

1. Typos. Yes, even in these days of spell-checking and grammar-checking software, we still get resumes with typos and grammatical errors that would make my hillbilly ancestors blush. I'm never going to believe someone who tells me they're "detail oriented" and "conscientious about their work" when they haven't proofread a resumé.


2. Tailor your resumé to the job, especially if you're trying to transition to work that's a bit different than what you've done previously. Highlight the aspects of your previous position(s) that might be applicable to the field you're trying to get into. A hiring manager for an administrative/office position doesn't care that in your previous dog grooming job you mastered five different versions of poodle cuts. Instead highlight your client recordkeeping system, or how you managed your time so that you were able to handle more clients.


3. Beware of meaningless or superfluous "business speak." Yes, use those "action" words where applicable (implemented, reviewed, designed, processed) but be sure they make sense in the context of your responsibilities and experience.


4. Embellish carefully. DON'T FIB. Most employers these days WILL do background checks and reference checks. (I once received a resumé from someone who listed an office manager job at a small company, during the exact same time I'd held that particular job at that particular company.) If you lie on your resumé and get caught, that is grounds for dismissal at a lot of companies.


5. Appearance counts. Be sure your resumé is organized and sequential. Keep as uncluttered as you can while still cramming your work history onto a single page.

So you've put together a kick-ass resumé, submitted it, and you get The Call. Hopefully you've prepared and planned out a series of interview outfits, (more on that later, but chances are you'll have more than one interview) but if not, ponder these:

1. To Suit or Not To Suit? Though many businesses have succumbed to the Business Casual juggernaut, I think there are very few venues where a suit will count against you (unless the position you're interviewing for is video game software developer or alligator wrangler). In all but the most conservative environments, a pants suit is fine. If you're applying for a management position, a suit is probably your best bet.


2. If you don't have a suit, and can't purchase or borrow one, no worries. Again, unless you're in a very conservative environment (law, accounting, banking) most modern hiring managers won't expect people applying for non-management positions to show up in a suit, but three words to live by are Simple, Polished, Professional.


3. Simple: keep jewelry to a minimum, avoid wild clothing designs or patterns, leave your favorite handbag with the chunky hardware/studs/leopard print/fringe at home. Now is not the time to wear all 25 of your sparkly butterfly hair clips or your favorite holiday-themed sweater.


4. Polished: it still shocks me that I have to say this, but you should be clean. Hair not hanging in greasy clumps, hands sans dirt under the nails, clothes without fresh food stains. (Yes, we've had people show up to interviews like this.) If your shoes are scuffed, polish them or at the very least take a Magic Marker to the most obvious marks. If you don't regularly wear makeup, don't feel you have to for the interview (unless you're applying for a position at the Nordstrom's makeup counter) but again your face should be clean. Clothes don't need to be impeccably tailored, but they should fit. If you don't have a briefcase, portfolio or handbag big enough to carry copies of your resumé and references flat, bring them in a manila folder or envelope to keep them clean and crisp.


5. Professional: yes, this depends on the "profession" but these guidelines are for jobs that primarily involve working at a desk in an office environment. Low rise jeans and a midriff-baring top (all the better to show off your new back tattoo) are not appropriate for an interview, no matter how cool the tattoo. Sleeveless tops used to be frowned upon in the workplace, and while they seem to be mostly accepted now, I'd advise against a sleeveless top or tank or camisole, or at least wear a light jacket over it for the interview. I don't care if you've been staking out the office for a week and everyone you see coming and going is wearing jeans, t-shirts and flip-flops, you still need to ditch the denim, leave your favorite vintage Psychedelic Furs concert t-shirt in the closet, and wear real footwear. It's about showing respect for the company and the people who are deciding whether you're a suitable candidate for a job (yes, that thing that helps you pay for stuff like rent and double-mocha-frappuccinos). Personally, I think most sandals are iffy for an interview, and would advise a closed-toe shoe. Unless you're interviewing for a job as a fashion editor or stylist, save the more avant garde ensembles for expressing your identity once you get the job. Excessive cleavage or visible bra is also not a professional look for most indoor work environments. The same goes for very short skirts.

In the next installment, some specific outfit suggestions and tips for the actual interview.

The Return of Grown Up Fashion?

Earlier today, I ran across this article in the WSJ:

Designers Push Formal Elegance.Will Fashion Follow?
By CHERYL LU-LIEN TAN August 31, 2007

After years of successfully convincing women to break the rules of fashion by mixing casual and dressy clothes, this fall designers and retailers are reversing course. They are once again trying to sell the idea of carefully put-together ensembles, complete with tailored jackets, matching skirts and high-heeled pumps.

Stores from Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus to Banana Republic and Target are promoting this more formal look as a big trend this season. Bloomingdale's is prominently displaying mannequins in matching outfits that include 1920s-style hats and gloves.

Une femme is quite happy to see this shift (though she will probably take a pass on the hats and gloves for the most part). After the last few years of Mix'N'Match eclectic, and designs more suited to the pre-pubescent set than grown women, the pendulum seems to be swinging back toward more tailored, coordinated looks. Again, from the article:

These polished and put-together looks have been a fashion fixture through the decades. In the 1960s, Jacqueline Kennedy inspired a nation of copycats who coveted her elegant Oleg Cassini suits, often paired with pillbox hats. Mod and hippie styles eventually edged this out, but the 1980s saw a resurgence of uniformity as power suits became a trend.

Since the late 1990s, fashion has been dominated by offbeat, tossed-together ensembles popularized, in part, by trend-setting celebrities such as Sarah Jessica Parker and shows such as "Sex and the City." Designers, too, fueled the trend by showing these styles on runways, inspiring women to embrace the idea of breaking away from the formal dictates of fashion and taking pieces from various collections to create unique looks.

Trouble is, "creating unique looks" often takes more energy and focus, and for results that are at best, hit and miss.

Still, some shoppers are looking forward to more order in the fashion world. "The mixed-and-matched look takes a lot of work, frankly," says Christine Pierce, a 45-year-old dietician who lives in Lake Oswego, Ore. "If you know exactly what pieces go together, you won't even have to think about it -- it simplifies your life."

Une femme agrees wholeheartedly! The good news is that you don't have to pay designer prices to get in on this trend. Talbots has never strayed far from these classic looks, and picked up on the boxy jacket trend:

Tweed jacket and skirt (note the gloves and structured bag as well)

Une femme's favorite, the pants suit.

Banana Republic is also getting on board, with outfits like this:

Skirted suit and cloche.

And for those who might still be wary of being too matchy-matchy, this ensemble still captures the coordinated look.

Funky Friday - Fedora Edition

As worn by our favorite extraterrestrials.

Une femme Lite™

No, no one has replaced une femme's Aged Sumatra with Sanka while she wasn't looking.

Chez Femme has a houseguest, and posting will be light until the weekend.

Baby Don't Botox

It's really quite simple. Two words: BOtulism TOXin.

When it comes to even more invasive cosmetic "procedures," I've never had more than a fleeting consideration. First, cosmetic surgery is still surgery, with all of the inherent risks. A friend's younger sister died in her sleep from a pulmonary embolism three days after having a fairly minor "body contouring" procedure. She was 35.

I'm at that point where the jowls are starting to sag, and the jawline to soften. My upper eyelids are drifting downward. But even though I'm seeing the passage of time in my face, it's still my face. Aside from the very real medical issues, I'm afraid of having something done that would cause me to not look like myself. Am I the only one who thinks that quite often, people who have this kind of extensive "work" done looked better before?*

In this little corner of the world, you sometimes see some pretty freakish plastic surgery results, like noses that could cut glass, trout pout, cheekbone implants that rival the continental shelf, or skin pulled tighter than a tick's ass stretched over a rain barrel. But even when the end result is fairly "normal" looking, I have a hard time understanding why someone would want to look so different. Even when it comes to less drastic results, I also worry that plastic surgery is becoming another cultural expectation, that it's normalizing and validating ageism. There are very few women over 50 in the media who haven't had some kind of "work" done. We no longer see realistic images of what aging looks like in movies, TV or print media.
And then there's the expense. I could take one or two pretty swanky trips to Paris for the cost of a basic eye lift. The skin will sag again, but une femme would always have Paris.


*I'm not talking about correcting actual deformities like cleft palate.

Sunday Music Selection

One warm summer night back in the mid-80's when my sister and I were trawling downtown Palo Alto, we wandered into the University Theater to enjoy an espresso on the patio. Tuck and Patti were performing there and we were blown away. I've seen them perform a couple of times since, and they've never disappointed. If you ever have a chance to see them, don't miss it.

(Can't seem to get the video to upload from YouTube; here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M56QwDjE6PQ )

Ode to Noir

Who among us does not love a great film noir?


When it comes to fashion, though, black is often maligned. (Never mind that whatever la couleur de la saison, it's often lauded as "the new black.") "Drab, funereal, boring, done-to-death" are some of the adjectives thrown at this absence-of-color color. And "safe." In the world of fashion where novelty is currency, the word "safe" is almost always used derisively.


But what's so bad about safe? What's so bad about knowing that when you need to feel sophisticated/classic/pulled together/dressed up/timeless/edgy/any combination of those, in a pinch that your tried-and-true Little Black Dress, or black sweater and slacks, or even that black Banana Republic t-shirt are waiting in the closet to save the day? On those days when one's confidence isn't up to throwing together a Carrie Bradshaw-esque symphony of color, a simple black ensemble can put one on more solid sartorial footing.


Start with black for a great backdrop to showcase that Dramatic Jacket, metallic accessories, a unique scarf or even Grandma's pearls. And despite what your Great Aunt Wilma says, you can too wear brown with black in small doses. (Une femme thinks a dark brown bag with an otherwise black ensemble can look trés chic.) Pull your black and brown elements together with a little Leopard print, if that's your style.


Black accessories can make whatever you're wearing look more posh (with a small p). Think jeans and a trench with a black Chanel classic flap bag, a simple white blouse with a black vintage glass bead necklace, and of course add a black leather jacket to a tweed skirt to take it from Academic to Edgy. Whatever your ensemble, upgrade it to First Class with a pair of classic black pumps.

So get in touch with your Inner Noir. You'll be in sophisticated company...

Funky Friday - Crazy, Mixed-up Girl Edition

Confession: Even though Sex and the City spawned more bad fashion than you can shake a stiletto at, I love her outfit. I think she pulls it off and there aren't many who could. If I thought for even a nanosecond I could get away with wearing something like this, I would. Not everyday, and probably not the shoes, but maybe for brunch with the girls? Check out the BAG!!!

Confession: I'll probably pay full price to see the movie when it comes out. I loved the show, too, even when it wasn't on top of its game, and even though I liked Aidan better than Big.

Pretty

Thanks to Rioriri at She Dances in the Sand, just found this post from almost a year ago from A Dress A Day: You Don't Have To Be Pretty. I absolutely love this line, 'Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female". '

Go read the whole thing, and start off your day on a high note.

Edited to add: Also this one, Tiers of Joy. 'And do you know what? If you're going to leave a comment that all those tiers would make you look OMG FAT!!!!, please don't bother. There is more to life than the bogus imperative to minimize your apparent body weight at all times. Just for a minute, put down that burden, okay? Think about how that gorgeous fabric would FEEL. Think about how it would SOUND. Think about how you would MOVE in it, where you would GO in it, what you would put in the POCKETS, even, and not on some imagined optical illusion of a few more inches here or there. Now imagine feeling like that all the time -- imagine the question "Does this make me look fat?" didn't exist. How would that change your life? What would you do differently? Would it get you to wear this beautiful dress?'

Nostalgia and the Bad Old Days

Maya's Granny posted last week about the TV show Mad Men, and some of her experiences as a woman in a man's world during that time.

As much as we tend to think that "the 60's changed everything," some of the attitudes toward women so well illustrated by the writers of Mad Men persisted well into the 80's. In my mind, it was Anita Hill's testimony at the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings in the early 1990's that really crystallized what so many women faced on a daily basis, and what the consequences too often were for speaking up about it. That was the point where it seemed that businesses started taking discrimination and sexual harassment seriously.

It's amazing now to look back at some of the attitudes and behaviors that we used to be told were "just the way things are." We were supposed to suck it up and "go along to get along," and for the most part, une femme did too.

At one of my first radio station jobs, the General Manager used to come in every morning and greet me with, "Hello, Miss Boobsley, and how are the both of you today?" while looking at my chest. Back then, you were expected to be a good sport about this kind of thing, or risk being branded a bitch. But at some point, it just bothered me so much that I walked into his office one day and said, "I know you don't mean any harm by it and to you it's all in good fun, but when you address me that way I find it very demeaning." To his credit, he got it right away and stopped, and didn't get pissy or let it negatively affect our working relationship (which otherwise was a good one).

When I worked for a TV Ad Sales rep firm in New York in 1981-82, in my position as Assistant to the Group Sales Manager, I was responsible to oversee the work of the six Sales Assistants to the Account Executives who reported to my boss. Five were women, one was a man (all were in their early 20's, just out of college). Of the six, the guy was lowest performer, always late getting his orders processed, having more errors in his work than the others, spending lots of time with his feet up on his desk talking to friends on the phone, and generally being a jerk. One day, my boss' boss says to me, "It's a shame we can only pay P---- as much as we pay the girls; he'll have a family to support someday!"

I've had my appearance critiqued in business meetings by male co-workers and supervisors ("you've lost weight/you've gained weight/that shirt makes your boobs look bigger/you should show more cleavage/wear shorter skirts/wear more makeup"), I've been hit on by married supervisors and told that it's OK to pay women less because they just quit when they get married and start having babies anyway.

Nowadays some people laugh off sexual harassment training and lambast "political correctness run amok." But those of us who lived through and worked during those times know just how bad things could get, and women were at the mercy of their (almost always male) bosses. Not that all bosses or men in the workplace were abusive or disrespectful, but there were few consequences if any if they were, and a kind of "boys will be boys" mentality was common. Une femme wouldn't return to those times for all of the champagne in France.

The Fabulous! Festival

The latest edition of The Fabulous! Festival is up at All About Appearances. The theme this time is "color" and the submissions are as fascinating and eclectic as the bloggers who participated.

Sunday Blog Flog

Une femme has some trés cool stuff to share with you.

There is no more Fabulous!™ spot in the universe than Planet FABULON. Thombeau reminds us daily that there's always room for Jell-0, Glamour and Kitch.

My friend Dea sent me this very cool link earlier this week. The Way of All Flesh.

Citizen Spot sends a heads up about a new book from Michelle Tea, It's So You: 35 Women Write About Personal Expression Through Fashion and Style. I've already ordered it, as it looks intruiging, and should dovetail nicely with what I've been on about here lately. If you don't have an indie/feminist bookstore near you that you prefer to patronize, you can pre-order from powells.com.

Gala Darling wraps up her series on Wardrobe Taming. Someday I'll take a week off from work and actually do this.

Who'da thunk it? /sarcasm

And this will be no surprise to many of you: Dieting Does Not Work, UCLA Researchers Report.

File under, Duh! "You can initially lose 5 to 10 percent of your weight on any number of diets, but then the weight comes back," said Traci Mann, UCLA associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study. "We found that the majority of people regained all the weight, plus more. Sustained weight loss was found only in a small minority of participants, while complete weight regain was found in the majority. Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people."

****

"What happens to people on diets in the long run?" Mann asked. "Would they have been better off to not go on a diet at all? We decided to dig up and analyze every study that followed people on diets for two to five years. We concluded most of them would have been better off not going on the diet at all. Their weight would be pretty much the same, and their bodies would not suffer the wear and tear from losing weight and gaining it all back."

****

People on diets typically lose 5 to 10 percent of their starting weight in the first six months, the researchers found. However, at least one-third to two-thirds of people on diets regain more weight than they lost within four or five years, and the true number may well be significantly higher, they said.

****

"Several studies indicate that dieting is actually a consistent predictor of future weight gain," said Janet Tomiyama, a UCLA graduate student of psychology and co-author of the study. One study found that both men and women who participated in formal weight-loss programs gained significantly more weight over a two-year period than those who had not participated in a weight-loss program, she said.

Well whaddaya know? Turns out those of us who have been saying this for years weren't hallucinating (or "lying to ourselves") after all!

And of course Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and all of those other DIET companies out there are going to counter with "Oh, but we're not a diet, we're a LIFESTYLE program!" Don't believe it for even a nanosecond.

(h/t to Big Fat Delicious)

Miss Lorraine's School of Charm and Modeling

(This originally started out as a short story, and was posted on my first blog, Dilettante's Progress a year or so ago.)

When I was a child in the early 60's, Jackie Kennedy was a national icon, and up until I was about 7 or 8 years old, we dressed up for dinner at Grandma's, trips on an airplane, and holidays. "Dress up" meant stiff dresses with starched petticoats, black patent leather Mary Janes, and often little white cotton gloves. Here's a picture from Christmas, probably 1962.


(That's me driving the car, and my sister anxiously awaiting a turn.)

It's not for nothing that I threw in the Jackie Kennedy reference above. For white, middle-class women my mother's age, she was The Ideal Woman. From her taste in clothes, her slender figure, her bouffant hairdo's and uber feminine mannerisms, she set the standard that upwardly-mobile women aspired to*. I don't think my mother was the only one in our neighborhood who harbored visions of slender, cultured, tennis-playing, French-speaking debutante daughters to live out their Jackie fantasies.

The light years between that vision and the reality of the two daughters she had to work with caused my mother much consternation. First, there was me: chubby, clumsy, with fine mousy brown hair that looked stringy if not brushed constantly (note the Pixie cut in the picture...I spent my childhood pining for hair long enough to braid) and horse crazy on top of all that, forget the tennis lessons. My sister, though thin, was a confirmed tomboy, who hated those stiff dresses even more than I and who preferred to play with Matchbox cars and GI Joes. She climbed trees and did James Bond kid-karate with the neighbor boys (breaking her collarbone once while practicing being flipped one's shoulder). We picked our noses, scraped our knees, had to be reminded to chew with our mouths closed and had no interest in the girly arts, such as walking up and down the hall balancing books on our heads like Hayley Mills in "Summer Magic." [A more sexist piece of tripe you'd be hard-pressed to find.]


The sign outside Miss Lorraine's School of Charm and Modelling must have glowed like a beacon for my mother. Situated on San Antonio Road, just north of El Camino (about a block from where Chef Chu's now continues to serve up some pretty consistently awesome Chinese food) in a small 60's "ranch style" shopping center, Miss Lorraines offered classes in "cotillion", manners, ballroom dancing for children and, of course, modeling. We passed it on our occasional family trips to Sears for garden hoses and such, and soon my mother began holding it over our heads like a switch. "If you can't start behaving like young ladies, I'm going to send you to Miss Lorraine's!" she'd threaten. (This replaced the threat from earlier days in which our bad behavior would result in being sent to live with The Indians, an idea that actually held a certain attraction for me because I figured I'd get my own pony.) Probably the only thing that actually stopped her from signing us up for indenture there was the worry of being judged pretentious by the other neighbor ladies.

My sister and I managed to elude Miss Lorraine's manicured clutches until the year I was seven, and a new upscale children's clothing store opened up on Main Street (and I believe is still there to this day). Unlike most children's clothing of the day, many of their ensembles mimicked contemporary adult styles. I particularly remember a couple of dresses designed to look like miniature Chanel suits that I regularly wore in second grade (of course not without commentary from my mother that they'd look so much better on me if I were thin). Presumably because she became an immediate and regular customer of this shop (ka-ching!), the owner asked my mother if she'd be willing to allow my sister and I to model some of the clothes in local fashion shows. But we'd have to take a modeling class to learn to navigate a catwalk. Eureka! This was the rock-solid excuse my mother needed to justify a set of classes at Miss Lorraine's. I think she figured she'd get us in the door on the modeling pretext, and before you could say "foxtrot" we'd be enrolled the Debutante Intesive Study program.


I honestly don't remember much about the modeling classes. I know that we went for 2 or 3 weeks for an hour at a time, and that there were about six kids in each class. We learned how to walk and turn and to SMILE! (dammit) and that we should want people to think we were having a good time. I do remember that my sister hated the whole idea, and would stomp across the dance floor like a construction worker in steel-toed boots.


Somewhere, there is the Super-8 evidence of our debut as child models which if I'm lucky has by now dissolved to dust. I remember the venue was outdoors, the day was hot, and that I was in a velvet dress and doing my best not to sweat. As part of the package, I was assigned to carry a brass trumpet. By the time it was my turn to go onstage, I was sweltering in the dress, and the trumpet felt as heavy as a bag of bricks. I remember little of my turn on the runway, but the home movies show a chubby girl with short hair in a red velvet dress shlepping that trumpet on her shoulder like a fireman rescuing an invalid from a burning building. My sister clomped down the runway, hunched over and with a scowl on her face, the very picture of seething resentment. (I always give my sister credit for being true to herself and honest about her feelings, regardless of whether that made anyone else happy or not. I've spent far too much of my life trying to be a Good Girl and to please others, and it's taken me decades to cultivate some of the chutzpah and sense of self she seems to have been born with.) My mother did not hide her disappoinment well that we had not been transformed into Poised Young Ladies. I think we did one more fashion show after that, and then she and the shop proprietor gave up on us. If I remember correctly, the second time I was selected to wear a baggy flannel nightgown as presumably this would not point up my obvious chubbiness. So much for the glamour of it all.

Threats of Saturday afternoon "charm" classes Miss Lorraine's were dropped not long afterward. Funny thing is, I can still do those model pivot-turns.

*Funny line from this week's "Mad Men": a bunch of male ad execs trying to land the Nixon for President ad account are watching a campaign commercial with Jackie Kennedy (speaking Spanish). One of the guys says, "Women will hate her. She's like their prettier sister who marries The Guy and now gets to live in the White House." He couldn't have been more wrong.

An addendum: one of the commenters noted on the original post that she too had attended Miss Lorraine's but that for her it had been a positive experience. I'm glad it was for some people, but I suspect that because it had been held over our heads as a threat previously, that pretty much poisoned the well for me.

Friday Funkadelic - Recycle Edition

Those who do not remember history....

....are doomed to repeat it.

Infrastructure

When I was young, watching my mother put on a girdle was a source of high comedy for my sister and me. She'd wriggle and tug, and hop and strain, and do a suburban matron's version of a hoochie dance. We'd giggle and she'd scold us in between tugs. "Just....wait....until....you're....old....enough...and...have to...wear...one of...THESE!.. It's....not....FUNNY!"

Every woman wore girdles back then, at least if they didn't want to "jiggle" and risk being branded a Harlot. I swore I would never wear a girdle, and the times granted my wish; by the time I hit my teen years in the early 70's, girdles were pretty much an anachronism. Bras too were considered by many of my peers to be something only the Patricia Nixons of the world wore, but I'd developed early and fast, and wearing a bra was more comfortable than not for me. (By the time I was in my 20's, I was an underwire gal all the way.)

But I did avoid the Girdle Dance.

Fast forward about 35 years, and une femme has been noticing that even the lined trousers are looking a bit, well...lumpy. Were those panty lines always there? Those saddlebags? I've had to accept that I'm getting a bit squishier with age, even if my size remains the same.

I still have the same aversion to the idea of a girdle, but I'd been hearing rave reviews about Spanx and decided to give them a try. I'm a convert. These babies work miracles and do wonders for une femme's body image, yet are comfortable and don't dig or bind. (My suggestion for maximum comfort: buy one size bigger than the chart says you need.) I've tried both the regular "Power Panties" and also the "Higher Power" which goes all the way up to the bra, and is fabulous under clingy knits. And you only have to dance just a little bit to get them on. ;-)

Musings On Body Image, Diets and the Fashion Juggernaut

There's been a lot of discussion in the blogosphere in recent days about dieting and size acceptance, and about the impact of fashion magazines on young womens' body image.

Ever since a friend of my parents showed me how to design dresses for my paper dolls back when I was about 5 years old, I've been intrigued by style and fashion, while at the same time I've always felt excluded by it.


Also at about 5 years old, my family decided that I was fat, and the words I heard most often when it came to clothes were "you can't wear that." When I was about twelve, I picked up a copy of Seventeen at the school library and spent many hours fantasizing about being able to wear the clothes they featured and look like the girls in the pictures. I graduated to Cosmopolitan and Glamour in high school and college, and although otherwise an intelligent and critical thinker, I looked at the pictures in the fashion spreads and ads as something achievable if only I applied myself.

So I spent most of the years between 13 and 35 dieting and being obsessed with my weight, developing disordered eating and at a couple points in my life, being anorexic, in hopes that I could someday "wear that." But as thin as I got, I've never had had a body that did most clothes any justice. I'm short, I'm broad-shouldered, barrel chested and short-waisted, with big boobs and arse. Diet/weight obsession is a futile and life-sucking endeavor, so I gave up on fashion for several years and focused on working through my eating disorders and trying to accept my body. While I now feel like a "normal" eater*, the body acceptance thing is still a work in progress, but there has been progress.

But somehow my interest in fashion can't stay submerged for long and I always end up drifting back to the fashion mags. While what I wear in real life is also constrained by my work and family life and budget, I do like to look at styles and colors and textures to get inspired. What's different now that I'm older is that I know these images are pure fantasy, and Fashion (the runway shows, the buzz) is mostly pure theater. I'd love to find a magazine devoted to fashion where the images of women weren't photoshopped to the point of absurdity, though.

Because I'm able to look at these images with a more critical eye, reading fashion magazines no longer sends me into a tailspin of self-loathing and compulsive dieting, but the desire to be thinner to look better in clothes never totally leaves me. Yet often, when I step back, I know I wouldn't want to wear a lot of the current styles anymore. They'd just look ridiculous on someone une femme's age, even if I did have the body of a runway model. While "you can't wear that" is still a familiar refrain in my head, as time goes by it becomes less about what I feel I can't wear and more about sticking to what does work for me, and finding ways to be creative within those parameters.

I do feel guilty about supporting an industry that's designed to make women feel worse about themselves, and can so negatively affect the self-esteem of young women especially (as it did me). I haven't yet overcome my cognitive dissonance on this one issue, but it's something I think I need to work on.

*Here's what "normal" eating means for me: I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm satisfied. I eat what I like, although I know certain foods and food combinations will make me feel better than others, and I try to make choices based on that as well as what tastes good. Sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry because something looks good and I don't beat myself up for it. It took several years after I stopped dieting to get to this point.

Organizational Skills

When it comes to handbags, une femme loves a bag with some interior organization and hates having to burrow for keys or a lipgloss, which invariably retreat to the darkest, bottommost corner of the bag. But some very lovely and chic handbags are sadly bereft of this modern design, and so until recently the choice has often been between leaving my beloved Darel's in the closet or resigning myself to fumbling around for keys.

But no more! Thanks to the ever-resourceful ladies at The Purse Forum, une femme has discovered Chameleon Purse Inserts. These organizers fit nicely into the bag without stiffness or bulging and keep all of those small items in place and easy to locate. The large size fits perfectly into my Charlotte 24-heures, and when you want to change bags, the whole thing lifts right out and into the next bag. Formidable!

L'shana Tovah!

Hoping you have a sweet year.

And about today...

Maya's Granny pretty much says it all.

Cool Breakfast for a Warm Day

It's still Summer in LA.

The Un-smoothie

1/2 c. plain full-fat yogurt

1/2 c. organic frozen blueberries

Stir, top with wheat germ or Grape Nuts.

MMMMMM.

Oh, and brush your teeth right after or you'll have a purplish smile the rest of the day, pas chic!

"Chic," qu'est-ce c'est?

French women supposedly Have It. The rest of us supposedly Want It. But what is it?

"Chic" is something most of us feel we recognize when we see it, yet a clear definition remains elusive. It's almost easier to define what it isn't. Chic isn't deadly serious. Chic isn't (necessarily) glamorous. Chic isn't a formula, and what is chic isn't the same for all women. Chic isn't (again, necessarily) the latest trend. Chic isn't overdone. Chic isn't stiff. Chic isn't afraid. Chic isn't self-conscious.

If une femme were to define what makes an item, ensemble or woman chic, these would be the crucial elements: simplicity, balance, functionality, timelessness, a careful balance between playfulness and sophistication, and an overall feeling of a harmonious whole, even while certain elements may be tweaked. Chic is highly individual; what would look naturally chic on one woman might look forced and ridiculous on another.

Chic hasn't come naturally to me, but it also seems like trying consciously to achieve it undermines the effect, much like a cat chasing her own tail. Perhaps we try too hard. Perhaps it's a question of putting yourself together to suit your own taste and then letting go. Perhaps chic is as much a result of attitude as anything else.

What do you think? How do you define "chic"? Do you do anything in particular to try and achieve it?

The Land's End Custom Challenge

In the comments on The Mother of Re-Invention, anonymous noted "Shirts that button properly look like gunny sacks on the small waist; trousers that fit the waist will not fit the bottom and if they do the shape will be odd because they were made to some other weird specification."

My response: "I don't know what your style is, but if you can tolerate some preppy-ish items to build around, Lands End does custom fit jeans, chinos and blouses from your measurements (and they're not all that expensive). If you have your heart set on some nice tailored blouses, it might be worth a try." I've also had the same challenge finding blouses that will buttom comfortably across the bust without being excessively voluminous everywhere else.

In consideration that a classic white shirt is a wardrobe staple and in the name of research, une femme has decided to take the plunge, and has ordered a custom shirt from Lands End. The website allows you to select different fabrics and details, as well as collecting data regarding size and measurements. Here's what une femme selected:

Fabric: Cotton 80s Broadcloth (white)

Collar Style: Straight

Back Style: Yoke back with center box pleat

Sleeve Style: French cuff (bien sur!)

Front Placket style: sewn on

Pocket: none

I'll report back regarding fit, and overall quality when I receive the shirt, which according the order confirmation will be in about 3-4 weeks. Une femme is looking out for you, mes amis!

Yessss, Preciousssss!

Well, it's not quite One Ring to Rule Them All, but look what une femme just won on e-bay...




Magnifique, n'est-ce pas?

60's style vintage? Check!

Leopard print? Check!

Not being outbid in the last 30 seconds? Check!

When I was a little girl in the early 60's, this was the kind of thing that Really Glamorous Grown Up Ladies™ wore, and I've been on the prowl for a vintage leopard print coat for the last several years. But every time I found one in the right size and style, I invariably was outbid in the last few seconds. Watching Mad Men has heightened my covet level for anything from that era, and this little Preciousss should be just the thing for those days when I'm all about Girls Just Wanna Have Fun style.

Friends Don't Let Friends...

...Wear Bad Trends!

Just Say No, mes amis.

This fringed abomination is a prime example of a questionable trend taken about a two miles too far.

Funky Friday - Scrolldown Edition

+

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Isabella Fiore boots.

French Lessons

When we first started making plans to visit Paris this last spring, my primary and overarching concern was What To Wear. I had no worries we'd figure out where to stay and eat and what to see, but I consulted every book and online source I could find about what to pack. I was determined to Not Look Like a Tourist. One website that was quite helpful was Paris Escapes, which also updates their "what to wear" by season.


It turned out I wasn't unique in this particular obsession; at the Fodor's discussion forum, about every other Paris thread addresses attire. Fodor's seems to have taken notice, and recently put together a guide that you can download and print, entitled C'est Super Chic: How Not to Look Like an American in Paris. It showcases three French style archetypes (based on age), rudimentary tips for tying a scarf, and general do's-and-don't's for dressing in Paris. If you're looking for basic information and have never travelled in Europe before, you might find this basic guide helpful, if a bit stereotypical.


While I did observe that not all Parisiennes are as super chic as the hype would have us believe, one style stereotype that holds true is that scarves are ubiquitous. Women of all ages and all styles utilize scarves to add an accent of color or texture to their ensembles, tied or draped in an almost infinite number of ways. Being less than talented in the clever scarf tying department, I was delighted to find that Hermes.com offers not one, but two downloadable pdf's (from the Scarves page, click on the "playtime with your scarf" link to the right) that each demonstrate different ways scarves can be worn, including as belts, skirts and tops. If one does not live near an Hermés boutique where one can get a scarf-tying lesson from the staff, this is the next best thing. (Une femme has a serious hankering for an Hermés scarf, which as yet remains unrequited.)


A scarf can be a fabulous accessory to turn up the chic on an otherwise ordinary ensemble. A well-chosen scarf can add a touch of color near the face, soften up an otherwise structured suit, rescue a bad hair day, or help define a waist. Scarves in all price ranges (and a few tried-and-true ways to wear them) are indespensable in a French woman's style arsenal, and a great way to some Parisienne flair to yours.

Une femme avec un fichu. Est-ce que c'est une Française?

To Color and Color Not

In the 80's, color was a hot topic. Ted Turner was colorizing classic black and white movies amid protests from filmmakers and film buffs, and in the fashion/beauty arena "getting your colors done" was quickly becoming a rite of passage.

A friend gave me a 30-minute color consultation as a 30th birthday gift, and it was determined that I was a Spring. No more black for une femme! I tried to follow the color recommendations as closely as I could, and wore my bright yellows and corals and my favorite lime green high tops.* (Be nice, it was the 80's and une femme was young and impétueux.) But within a couple years I was chafing at the restrictions. The colors that really spoke to me were the Autumn colors: browns, russets, golds, greens. Those were the colors I felt most at home in. And black, my versatile go-to color.

Colors tell a story, convey emotion, and speak their own language. I don't think it's any accident that cultures which embrace expression of emotion and passion generally also embrace bright colors. On the other hand, neutrals are regarded as more cool and sophisticated...lack of color sends a message of emotions played down, cards played close to the vest, which is why neutrals have become standard for businesswear. (Unless you're Gloria Allred, whose emergency-vehicle-red suits seem to say "Watch out, step aside!")

I've always been drawn to black and white photography and films. The visual reduction of subject matter down to the essence of lights and darks holds more facination and mystery for me than careless color. While color can be used brilliantly to evoke feelings or moods, it sometimes can be too sentimental or overwhelming. I agree with those who were highly critical of Turner's colorization; to me black and white cinematography is its own art form and should not be adulterated.

These days I'm most comfortable wearing mostly neutrals accented with color. Even colors I love, when worn too predominantly feel awkward, overwhelming and unstylish. Maybe I'm playing it safer, maybe I've been influenced by French style, or maybe I'm channeling my WASP ancestors, but I've learned to respect my sartorial comfort levels. I'm thrilled that grey is having a heyday; it's a perfect neutral that is softer near the face than black, yet can be accented with so many different colors, both cool and warm.

Everyone has their own color comfort level. Making color work for you is more than just learning which colors flatter. It's also about discoving the colors that speak to your style and the amounts of color that express your vision of yourself.

*edited to add: I should mention that isn't my e-bay auction.

...In a While, Crocodile!

Crocodile bags are a big trend this fall, and in une femme's opinion are classics with staying power (always luxe in black, especially), but the real thing is trop cher pour moi.

There are lots of nice alternatives in croc-embossed leather available in a wide range of prices. Here are some of une femme's favorites.






Ann Taylor, $198














Furla, $465







Monsac, $268. (Monsac is one of those under-the-radar, great accessory brands. Their designs are simple, functional, classic, and very well made. Great value for the price!)









Hobo International $191.95 Nice ladylike bag with a vintage vibe.










Pierotucci, $377. This Italian company produces high quality, handmade bags and has a reputation for excellent customer service.

Smoke and Misogyny

Anyone else watching "Mad Men" on AMC?

Don Draper is a buttoned down, buttoned up, top-of-his-game Ad Exec with a beautiful young wife who may or may not be facing a serious health problem (but who gets sent to a patronizing shrink instead), a free-spirit girlfriend in Greenwhich Village, a secretary who has copywriting aspirations, a potential love interest who may be his intellectual match and a secret family history that comes back to haunt him.

This is fresh and clever writing, which doesn't shrink from the sexism (the women are constantly infantilized, objectified and/or harassed by the male characters), anti-semitism, classism, and racism of the times, yet treats these issues matter-of-factly and doesn't hit the viewer over the head. The characters smoke incessantly, and enjoy a belt (or three) of scotch at the office. The costumes, sets and props are spot-on and re-create this era so vividly and accurately you'll think you're having flashbacks. If you haven't seen this program yet, check it out on AMC. And be sure to check out the costume and set photo galleries at the website.