In my 20's, I had a close friend who was heavily invested in her appearance, especially with regard to maintaining a very toned, thin body. She made no bones (no pun intended) about the fact that this was the most important thing in her life. People were always commenting on her slender figure and asking how she kept it. "I take care of myself," she'd sniff just a bit haughtily. Her version of taking care of herself demanded unswerving and relentless rigidity regardless of circumstance: eating less than 1000 calories per day, usually two but sometimes three daily aerobics classes, and eventually, abuse of laxatives. (Do I have to admit that my younger, eating-disordered self envied her for her thinness and for what I perceived at the time as strength and discipline, only understanding in later years that it sprung from self-hatred and obsession?) We started drifting apart after I started finding my way out of ED-ville, and began moving away from our shared worldview.
So a lot of years passed where hearing the words "I take care of myself" made une femme bristle a bit. It always fell on my ears sounding a bit self-righteous and disingenuous at the same time. I've seen a lot of people do a lot of ultimately self-destructive things in the name of "taking care of themselves" which to many always seems to equate to "staying thin and young-looking." And I've seen some naturally very thin people with really crappy habits get a pass, and get credited with good self-care when it's really mostly Doritos and genetics.
But to be able to live a stylish, adventurous, balanced, delicious life after 50, more and more attention to self care is required. So what does that look like? And how does one separate what really nurtures and energizes from what is intended to achieve a specific culturally-approved look? I've come to realize that this is a highly individual formula, and that it must shift with time and circumstances. Taking care of myself in my 20's meant (among other things) running three miles a few times a week, because it made me feel wonderful and gave me lots of energy, but that same regimen would be murder on my joints today. (I miss running, I really do.)
Self-care at this point in time involves the following (in no particular order):
- A bit of protein with every meal, and fresh fruits and veggies as often as possible.
- Limiting sugary foods to immediately after meals (prevents blood sugar crashes)
- Walking as much as possible, and once I'm cleared by the orthopedist, riding my recumbent stationary bike a few times a week
- Regular dental care (more and more evidence that gum disease is a factor in a host of other serious conditions, such as heart disease!) Flossing daily in addition to brushing.
- Regular medical checkups
- Remembering to take my thyroid med every morning
- Sleep (getting 8 hours is a challenge at times, but I try)
- Wearing clothing that fits my body NOW, not when I'm five pounds thinner
- Wearing a seatbelt (it's the law here, but still)
- Down time where no one is making demands on me (I get up an hour before the rest of my family to achieve this)
- SUNSCREEN. Every day. 40+ SPF.
- Writing for this blog.
- Doing some stretches daily, again once the orthopedist signs off (I'm restricted from certain movements until my bones have fused to my artificial hip)
- Vitamin, calcium, and fish oil tablets daily
- A bit of dark chocolate daily, and a glass of wine a few times a week.
- A good laugh at my own expense at least once a day. ("I used to be disgusted/But now I'm just amused.")
While this may sound like an exhaustive (and perhaps exhausting!) list, the truth is that I've been able to incorporate most of these into my daily routines and they now are mostly habit. Although no one would probably ever point to me as a picture of glowing fitness, the rest of my life doesn't have to wind and twist like a topiary around what I do in the name of health. Because really, how "healthy" would that be?
17 comments:
I'm with you on the "remembering to take my thyroid" issue - the only way I make that work is to keep the pills right on my night stand with a bottle of water. I put on my glasses; I put in my hearing aid; I take my pill. That is the only way it works. I am truly a creature of routine.
Great comments! Exercise that puts you through your range of motion, and includes bearing some weight and balancing is essential for me... that's yoga.
Also, the medical screening tests even the yucky ones- colonoscopy saved my friend's life, and too late for another.
Agreed. The only `rule´that hesitates me a bit, is the health check bit, unless you have a great doctor who is able to decide what is important and what is not. I´ve seen many in my life time and every doctor is so specialized nowadays, that they only seem to know about their own field of medicine and then you have to hop around everywhere and make your conclusions yourself. Oh, how I long for the family doctor that once existed.
I really love this post. Yes, so much that is done in the name of self care is really self abuse. Your self care plan is wise and well balanced.
Like you and Toby, I am lousy at remembering to take my thyroid. He-weasel now just hands one to me each day.
At practically 40, I'm just starting to get a clue on this stuff. Ditto to the 5 a.m.--that's workout time, a whole hour, for me. I just can't manage, emotionally or energetically, without it. And now I can finally spend 20 minutes or so in the garden, after, before dashing into the shower. I think of this aging business as enforced clean living. Oh, the price we pay for stepping a toe off the line! Brilliant post. Mazel tov!
Bravo on a great post! I'm trying to do pretty much everything on it as well. I'm in my 20s, but it is never too early to start really taking care of oneself -- and stop punishing oneself as so many people do in the name of appearances.
Downtime, dark chocolate, the occasional glass of wine, eating delicious fruits and veggies, getting out for a walk... these things are so much healthier than starving oneself and yet so enjoyable, too. While some of my peers run around with "no time or money" to eat anything except something off the dollar menu, then pay to run on treadmills, I feel like I've discovered this huge secret for living well in so many ways.
Hi, Pseu. I wonder if you would share what sunscreen you like. I have one that I like and can stand to have on my face, but it's just an SPF 30. (It's from Zia.) I'd love to upgrade if I could find something that worked. (I have a skin allergy so it can be tricky.)
@ Dejapseu: What a positive post!
I must however say that I am guilty of saying that line myself 'I take care of myself' -especially when peers (people I was with at various schools mainly) comment on how young I look/ how unlike them I look.
And here is why I say it - I do not think being married, having children or having a job are excuses for giving up on trying to be healthy and live optimally.
Even so I get a lot of criticism for my discipline in exercise, and my perceived self-control (mainly in saying 'no' to second helpings, large portion sizes, sweets and alcohol).
My favourite question to my friends is this - Look at your bodies; Now think that you will live to be at least 80; Will this body last you the future 50 or so years? If not, are you doing anything now to avoid becoming reliant on crutches/ other people/ medication?
That usually does the trick and turns the discussion away from me and my life to them and theirs.
But now - I can also point them to your post! So double thank you!
toby - don't laugh but I have one of those "day of the week" pill cases that I keep on the bathroom counter. I'm usually a bit foggy before my first cup of coffee, and that way I can verify that I did indeed take my pill.
duchesse - I've been meaning to pull out my old yoga tapes; once I'm cleared to do stretches again I will.
metscan - I really lucked out with my doc. He's a GP with a specialty in endocrinology, and always fully explains any condition or procedure he's recommending. I'll be very sad when he retires!
LBR - thanks! I think I need someone to hand me my vitamins...that's what I tend to forget in my rush out the door.
dana - gardening too, yes!
meg - I really think that our culture gets so Puritanical about food and health practices, and we forget to experience the joy. Joy is healthy!
Linda - oh yes, LaRoche Posay "Anthelios." It's also what my dermatologist recommends. I use Creme Fondant on my face, and you can get here" www.zitomer.com.
shefaly - And here is why I say it - I do not think being married, having children or having a job are excuses for giving up on trying to be healthy and live optimally. True, however priorities must and do shift, and spending hours daily at the gym or such can become unworkable for some of us. It's a matter of moderation and balance.
A very thoughtful post, I hope your friend eventually developed some self-awareness. Well, I'm off to drink more water and jog around the block 5 times, bye.
Wonderful post! I will be 50 on June 6th and I am planning to incorporate some of the items on your list. I certainly can see that wine and chocolate will aid in the transition to 50! The sunscreen I need to bump up, as I have been wearing 20 spf.
Brand new black lab puppies help with the exercise I am finding out!
Kelly
Dejapseu:
I agree with you when you say "True, however priorities must and do shift, and spending hours daily at the gym or such can become unworkable for some of us."
However especially for people with kids, is it not an imperative to preserve their health - so that they can do the best by the kids, live healthy and long to see the kids achieve their major milestones (not just high school but Uni and weddings and grandchildren etc) instead of burdening their kids with care responsibilities for a sub-optimally healthy parent?
Nothing more, I am just curious and speaking from the point of view of a 'child' not a 'parent' of course...
That also reminds me that I must resume my research on motivations soon. Thanks.
I'm not sure how well size correlates with longevity; some large people live for ages, and some slender ones, like my favorite aunt, die outrageously young. Certainly we should do what we can to be healthy, but even if we did have the time, energy, money and know-how to do every last thing that has ever been identified as healthy, our genes may overcome all, or we may be hit by a truck, not to be too gloomy. So I guess I think of meditation and eating my broccoli, etc., as things that make me feel good today, but don't count on them to keep me hale and hearty into my 90s.
Shefaly - I guess the devil's in the details, and it depends on how one defines "preserving one's health." To me the important thing is being able to maintain a level of activity that allows me to fully participate in the things I enjoy most: dancing, travelling, skiing, horseback riding, hiking, etc for as long as I'm on this earth. I don't have the time anymore to invest in hours at the gym or track for muscle definition or "peak performance" but believe I don't need to maintain that level of fitness to be what I consider healthy. These days I look toward keeping a good balance of my priorities as something that maintains my health (stress is generally unhealthy).
Linda makes a good point too; you can do everything "right" and still be plagued by serious or chronic diseases (or get hit by a bus or drunk driver). An acquaintance of mine (again from my younger years) was a vegetarian, a runner, the picture of good health, and dropped dead at 28 of a heart attack. Another friend who was quite fit was diagnosed with MS and then a brain tumor in her early 40's. There's only so much control we have over these things, all good intentions and habits be damned.
One more thought, and maybe this is fodder for another entire post, but it's easy to forget (especially with how the media tends to sensationalize any topics related to health) that there's a lot of territory falls in between the extremes of the person who eats fried chicken at every meal and never gets up off the couch, and the vegan triathalete, all of which is probably just fine health-wise. We're sometimes led to believe that unless we're doing it ALL, and unless it keeps our weight at a BMI of 22, then it's useless. I think a lot of people give up on exercise programs and healthier eating when it doesn't lead to size eight, when in reality they probably are improving their health just by making a few changes.
I'm also of a mind that weight and health have unfortunately become the new moral barometers in our culture, much to the detriment of health itself.
I like this, Pseu (your last comment); I think you are quite right about there being a vast territory between the extremes, and I look forward to reading anything you come up with on weight and health being moral issues; I think you're right there, too.
Dejapseu: Thanks for your detailed response to my comment.
I agree with you about the vast middle ground in the bell curve (I just finished 4 years on this PhD with the case study being obesity so this bell curve is really top of my mind all the time) and about the things we do not control or can not expect to control.
Alas for my ethnic group, a BMI of 23 _really_ is where the trouble starts (for Caucasians, the threshold is 30) and I know practically NO Indians who can keep their BMI below 23, given their penchant for rich foods, sweets and the general food-centricity of all Indian socialising, with the caveat of considerable generalisation inherent in such a statement. When I find exceptions, I have actually asked to observe them and document their lifestyle practices (yes, I agree too, it is weird).
This is a complicated one indeed... I must start writing the Obesity blog again :-)
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