My mother would probably hate this gold brocade jacket. Is that why I was drawn to it? La Belette Rouge yesterday contemplated the differences between her mother's style and her own as she pondered whether to buy a J. Crew gold linen jacket. Like La Belette, I sometimes wonder, "Are we destined to become our mothers?" Or conversely, are we doomed to perpetually choose our style in opposition to theirs?
My own mother, at least until her post-divorce-gypsy-skirt-and-humongous-squashblossom-necklace phase, eschewed anything flashy, loud, embellished, mismatched or ethnic. "Tasteful" was her watchword, and was personified by Jackie Kennedy throughout the 60's, my growing up years. As a child, I always had a fond eye for the glittery, the beaded, the exotic. "Oh, that's tacky," she'd sniff, and instead buy me the pink tweed dress with a matching jacket, designed to look like a miniature Chanel suit. Once I hit adolescence, we shopped for my clothes in the same stores she frequented and I mostly looked like a fifteen-year-old middle-aged hausfrau in pastels, plaids and navy.
In reaction, I spent my late teens and twenties combing thrift stores for every leopard-printed, gold-laméed, beaded and bedazzled thing I could find. I still dressed like an old lady, but intentionally, ironically. Beginning in my late 30's, my tastes began to transition again, and found myself gravitating back to simple, classic styles, and it was about then that my enduring romance with black began. But as Dorothy Parker said, "A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika," so at times I indulge my inner Dame Edna and mix in a little brocade or beading. Keywords being "a little." The jacket pictured above is best worn with jeans and a white tee, and minimal jewelry. People always ask if it's vintage.
The funny thing is, the same kind of fabrics and styles that my mom would have considered off limits in earlier days, she now enjoys. She loved a shirt with metallic threads and an Asian print that I wore last time we visited, and liked my goofy plastic bead necklace so much I gave it to her. While I've come back around to some of her style maxims (keep it simple, monochromatic, classic), she's also come around to some of mine.
Wow. My mother was completely different from yours. She never saw a silver or gold blouse, sweater or top that she did not like and did not immediately buy. I recall(and I might even still have in the trunk some place)her knitting a black and metallic yarn sweater with a ballerina neck when I was quite young - so it must have been in the mid-50s. Gold and silver belts, bags and shoes, ditto. She and my dad used to entertain quite a lot before I went away to college and she always dressed with lots of glitz; the last outfit I remember her wearing was when she hosted a whole bunch of my friends to her home the night before she had a heart attack - long black skirt, black and gold metallic sweater and every single gold chain she owned. She danced all night, had a great time. On the other hand, I'm always worried that I'm wearing too much jewelry.
ReplyDeleteThat jacket looks vintage to me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my mid-20s to mid 30s I wore a lot of vintage because I liked the quality for the price and it was simply fun. Sometime after 40 I realized that dressing in vintage had to be done more carefully- the occasional piece.Very few women my age (nearly 60) can carry off an all-vintage look unless top quality like a Balenciaga suit.
I do wear some items my mother would have worn (basic cashmere sweaters) but I have fabrics Mom didn't, especially stretch wool, which saves many jackets from being stiff and boxy.
Some things mom wore I hope never come back: stiff hats, armor-like girdles and fur pieces with little pays and heads dripping from them.
Oops that's "little paws".
ReplyDeleteShouldn't reply before fully caffeinated but that's how much I enjoy your blog!
toby - your mom sounds like someone who really dressed to please herself and to be noticed. I admire that.
ReplyDeleteduchesse - It's actually one of the half dozen or so great jackets I got on deep sale at Forth & Towne before they closed. Agree with you about the furs with heads and paws. Ick.
First of all -- that jacket made me gasp -- and I thought it was vintage, too, and you know how I love me some good vintage.
ReplyDeleteSecondly -- my mother, an otherwise sterling and admirable person, is an incredibly frumpy dresser. (I think it comes from her basic shyness and dislike of being the center of attention.) This is a shame because she's still young, trim, and very attractive. I got her out of the high-waisted "mom" jeans a few years ago and that was the last sign of progress. I have no fear of dressing like my mother, ever -- our fashion senses are poles apart, even though I look just like her. To her infinite credit, she has never tried to squelch me, and even as a young person she indulged my fashion fancies by sewing clothes for me. I think she was living vicariously. She'd tell you there was no point trying to fight it.
Also -- "tacky" is also my mom's ultimate denigration. She can make that word absolutely drip with contempt.
So happy my post inspired this great post. This continued conversation makes me wonder how our mother's were influenced by their mother's. In other words, was my Grandmother very conservative which made me mother go for more flash and flare and then I went back to the mode of my Grandmother. Hmm, really interesting.
ReplyDeleteI love your Dame Edna jacket. I think the key to doing the gold brocade jacket is just as you said, minimalist everything else. I bet your mother would have found the jacket exceptionally tasteful.;-)
MIss J has always been drawn to bright, flashy embellished things. She's lucky to have been able to get a lot of her over-the-top impulses off her chest by adorning her stage characters that way. But she still loves to pair the classics with the flash. It keeps things fun and interesting.
ReplyDeleteI think about this all the time and relate to your story and questions.
ReplyDeleteMom always favored, and still favors, "glitz," big clip on earrings, big hair, lots of makeup - and middle aged hausfrau clothes (suit, nude pantyhose, pumps).
I wear minimal makeup, can't stand the feeling of any kind of jewlery on my skin (never have been able to), and while I started in a preppy phase now pretty much dress like a guy (fewer sweater sets as they feel too femme, more men's oxfords as they feel normal to me). Deep inside I have an inner goth but she never gets out (because she could not come to the office, but I really understand the Morticia Addams sensibility).
However, Mom is a bit odd deep inside too and seems to get my love of bats, skulls, crypts and mummies. So maybe I'm not that far off.
So, am I rebelling or just plain different? Maybe a little of both, though I think that on some deeper psychological or genetic level there is a lot more "guy" in me than in her (though she likes hard work outdoors a lot and isn't girly, I'm even more attracted to weight lifting, shotgun sports and flat shoes and really wanted to be an FBI agent growing up [parents dissuaded me but now I'm often a white collar financial crime lawyer so I sort of got close]). And yes, I'm straight, so the merriment continues (needless to say my super girly sis in law and I regard each other as alien species 'why on Earth does she think THAT looks acceptable?').
I wonder if this is generational too. At 38 I've been pretty free in my life to be what I am, though Mom's stories from the 1950s-1970s show a lot more expected conformity. E.g., girls wear jewlery and do their nails, girls wear cute swimsuits and tan, girls ice skate in cute little skating skirts. I don't get that, because I didn't live it.
Who knows, whatever.
But if I ever did wear a skirt or heels again, would I wear Mom's beige, greige and navy? Probably not - though I've never willingly worn a sparkle, ruffle or metallic accent either. I'd probably just find a way to make a longer skirt and lower shoes look as masculine as possible.
I came over from LBR and I was shocked to see I have the exact same jacket! It's from Forthe & Towne right? I've only worn mine once but I had the same vision you did. Simple t and jeans with it.
ReplyDeleteclosettherapist - yes, F&T. One of the many reasons I mourned the closing of that store! :-)
ReplyDeletestyle spy - in my mom's world view, "tacky" was the first step on the short path to "Whore of Babylon."
ReplyDeleteLBR - it's funny, my dad's mother is the one from whom I've inherited a few scarves pieces of jewelry, so in that respect, I take after her more than my mom. But overall she was a conservative dresser too (lots of navy, small polka dots). My maternal grandmother was a farm wife who died when I was quite young. I remember her in flowered house dresses, but not very clearly.
Miss Janey - yes, I think mixing "class with flash" is what keeps the classics fresh and the flash on the right side of the tracks.
Anon - Thanks for your comment. Mothers and daughters are certainly a weird know to untangle. Have you seen the pics over at The Sartorialist of Renata Molho? Her style is very "manly" and she always looks so elegant. I always admire women who can pull that off, and she does quite well.
Make that "knot to untangle".
ReplyDeleteI recall my mother saying that it is only the inside of the person that counts. She never made choices herself-always wanted a professional opinion in everything,still does. So I turned out just opposite. I buy what I like-alone-and don´t ask if it is ok for me to do so or not. Luckily I have noticed that my daughters make their own decisions too .
ReplyDeleteInteresting. Mom and I are polar opposites on the clothing front. She's girly and conservative, I'm clean lined and more trendy. I'm working on getting the high waisted pants exorcised for her, but there are such a lot of them!
ReplyDeletePseu, awesome jacket. It looks like a light gold, right? Do you do faded jeans or dark? and what kind of shoes?
Recently disposed of my mother's wardrobe following her death at 99. She wore some clothes that were 30 years old (St John). On her last day, we talked on the phone- she wanted to go shopping on my next visit, in a few days.
ReplyDeleteHer style was classic, tailored, best-quality department store or dress shop. In her early 80's she went though a frugal phase and bought several acrylic sweaters. Then she said. "Wait! I think I'm going to be around for awhile" and went back to cashmere."
Deja - my mom was, for her generation, a very tall woman - 5'10" in her socks - with flaming auburn hair when she was young, very athletic and so on. She was a nurse-midwife in Glasgow(which is where she met my father when he was there for med school in the 30s/40s). And you are right - she was someone of amazing style. I remember once when I had to do a big evening formal event for the alums when I was in college and had nothing to wear, she sent me this slinky long black and silver metallic shirtwaist dress with complete instructins of what shoes to wear with it, jewelry, etc. etc. I picked that thing out of the box as if it had a disease but I did not have anything else to wear(it was 1974- my wardrobe consisted of flannel shirts, jeans, 'sh*t-kicker' boots, turtleneck sweaters and a Navy peacoat). All the old codger alums LOVED me - we raised a whole lot of money for the college that night.
ReplyDeleteanon - it's funny, my mom used to say that too, but in reality also put great stock in appearances. Though she didn't consult "experts" exactly when it came to clothing, she did have a strong desire to wear what was "appropriate" and was concerned with making the "right" impression.
ReplyDeletedana - it's light gold brocade on a cream background. I tend to stick to dark wash jeans these days. Today I'm wearing with my dark jeans, a taupe 3/4 sleeve tee and light gold ballet flats.
duchesse - good for her for buying herself cashmere!
toby - how lucky to have a mother with such a sense of her own style! Mine tended to be a follower rather than an individualist.
i am not fluent enough in english but what i can definitely say is that you have taste about clothe
ReplyDeleteand i am sure you are stylish in this jacket
have a wonderful evening
Kamel
street style romancer in Paris
Merci bien, Kamel!
ReplyDeleteI am destined to become my father, Mickey Mouse sweaters and suspenders and all, and I don't mind one bit. I love that he wears whatever the hell we wants with pride.
ReplyDeleteI came over to your over 50's group by way of Dutchess - first time there tonight as well...
ReplyDeleteHow fun this will be to see some good style for myself...LOVE the brocade jacket....