Une femme recommends...

Miraclesuit "Oceanus"

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while has probably observed that une femme is not comfortable flashing a lot of skin, and could very well be accused of having some Body Issues.  The prospect of a beach vacation and the necessity of shopping for a bathing suit was daunting.  But I tried.  I went to two different swim shops at two different malls and allowed the sales associates to bring suit after suit, which I dutifully tried on despite my skepticism.  Some came very very close. 

But in the end, I went online, thew a cyber dart, and ended up with this number (the DD version) and couldn't be more pleased.  It's comfortable, doesn't expose too much (just enough in the right places) and, indeed miraculously, gives me a waist! I've been able to roam about the beach and pool with confidence.

 (Recommendation, buy at least one size larger than your normal clothing size to avoid the sausage casing fit and feel. )

Room With A View

Sunset, Saturday night.

Sunday morning

Our trip so far has been very low-key and relaxing.  We've done little except hang out under one of those palapas, eat,drink, play in the waves, eat, drink, swim in the pool, eat, drink...rinse and repeat.  Saturday night I once again learned The Lesson of the Second Margarita.  (Short version: Don't.)

The weather has been the coolest we've experienced here, barely making it into the 80's but we haven't had to run the air conditioning at night which is nice.  The ocean breeze picks up in the afternoon and we just open up our doors and enjoy the fresh air. 

More tomorrow...

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Foulard de la semaine (Rerun)

No new video this week due to the holiday and travel, but I'll have a new tutorial up next week.  In the meantime, you can see all prior week's videos on YouTube here.  Above, a review of the basic bias scarf fold, as that's the starting point for the tie I'll be using in next week's tutorial.
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Happy Thanksgiving!

For those of you celebrating Turkey Day, hope you have a fabulous one, with easy cleanup!

As always, I'm thankful for good health, a loving family, my job, my friends, and this wonderful community of bloggers and blog readers who on a daily basis enlighten, entertain, inform, challenge and support each other. 

This is the first Thanksgiving in many years that I'm not hosting and cooking a turkey dinner.  While I'll miss the aroma of a turkey in the oven, I don't mind skipping a year, mainly because very early Friday we're getting up and heading out to....

Puerto Vallarta!  We'll be there for a few days, and will do some sailing, and probably spend a lot of our time here...

and here...

And for shady palapas (and perhaps a frosty margarita) on the beach after the last few crazy weeks at work, I'm also very thankful!!

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Pondering Normal

In three weeks, I've dropped 5.5 pounds on Weight Watchers. (8 more to go.) Week one was hard.  By the second week, I was shopping and planning and into the groove.  This week, week four, I can see the gremlin that is usually my undoing sitting on the curb just up the road, waiting to trip me up as I pass by.

That gremlin?  It goes by the name of, "I just want to eat like a normal person!"  In other words, I don't want to have to plan every meal, pack containers of raw veggies for snacks, keep track of every bite.  I get tired of the effort that it takes for my body to achieve and maintain a weight that by modern standards would be just shy of pudgy.

(Flashback:  toward the end of my first year of college, sitting on the floor in the hall outside of the lecture room before my Inorganic Chemistry 101 class.  Two slender women sitting across from me are planning a birthday dinner for a friend.  One says "should I make spaghetti, or lasagna?"  The other one says "ooh, make the lasagna; I love lasagna!"  They go on to plan the menu without any talk of calories or how "bad" they will be for eating lasagna, with no apparent trace of the crippling guilt I feel at every bite that isn't comprised of cottage cheese or naked lettuce.  To my ears, it's like they're speaking a foreign language.  I marvel, and wonder what it must be like to have a relationship with food that's so easy and natural.  I take another sip of my black coffee, try to ignore my growling stomach, and shift my focus to a paragraph in the textbook describing electron valences.)

After struggling with eating disorders for years beginning in my early teens and lasting into my early 30's, it's been a hard-fought battle to achieve what I consider to be a normal, healthy relationship with food.  I know I won't stuff myself on Thanksgiving just because I'm in the same room with a lot of food that isn't available during the rest of the year.  I can go to dinner at a friend's house and not agonize for days beforehand about what will be served.  I leave food on my plate in restaurants.  I pass up pizza without a second thought because it gives me heartburn. I can't remember the last time I ate to the point of discomfort.  And I treasure this sense of normalcy around food, which is somewhat disrupted by having to plan and count and restrict.

I'm not giving up, though.  I'm determined to adjust my normal if need be to incorporate the habits and discipline that a slimmer self requires without adopting the all-or-nothing mentality that used to throw me into a pit of despair and binging if I eat something unplanned, or go over my points here and there. As le monsieur is fond of saying about various endeavors, "it's a marathon, not a sprint." We're always balancing between conflicting desires, between short-term pleasures and long-term accomplishments.  To avoid being tripped up by my "normal" gremlin, I need to be mindful of that long term goal, and keep my focus and actions aligned.

When working on long term goals or projects, do you tend to get sidetracked or bogged down?  Do you have strategies that help keep you focused and moving toward your goal? 
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L'orangerie!

As tomato season winds down, citrus season is ramping up.  When we planned our garden makeover, we wanted to include some potted dwarf citrus for that Provencal feel.  I wasn't expecting to see fruit the first season!  Immediately above and below, navel oranges.

Below, lemons (one of two varieties).  These are either Meyers or something else that I can't remember the name of.

Still green, but hopefully they will ripen fully in the next few weeks.

Below, Valencia oranges (great for juice).

And the second lemon tree, just now blooming.

The trailing rosemary in the pots is a nice touch, and great to have right outside the kitchen door!

I've been giving these plants a periodic feeding with Miracid, but I've been told they like iron too.  If anyone has a good suggestion for mineral supplements for potted citrus, please chime in. And we had some spider mite problems earlier in the summer (you might see some leaf bubbles still) but they seem to be under control with periodic spraying of oil. 

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Foulard de la semaine

A little change from the carrès this week.

Here we have deux petits riens for a longer knit scarf.  I prefer scarves that are lightweight and non-bulky. This Bompard lace cashmere scarf is one of my favorites and gets a lot of wear during cooler months.  I'm even thinking about picking up another color or two.

(To find the scarf, go to ericbompard.com, select Accessories, then Cashmere Voile Scarves and Stoles, and slide the bar over until you see the long skinny scarf.  Lots of great colors available; this one is Oregano, which is more soft teal than green.)

Give this a try, and let me know what you think. 
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Compare and contrast...

Pursuant to yesterdays discussion about Hermès' recent markting campaign.  "That's all."

Edited to add:  this is just meant as a fun comparison to yesterday's post featuring youthful Hermès scarf stylings.  Very classic, very stylized look Meryl Streep is sporting here as character Amanda Priestly from the movie "The Devil Wears Prada."  The Devil also wore Hermès.
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Hermès For Hipsters?

It seems the marketing people at Hermès have noticed that hardly anyone under the age of 80 is wearing their scarves (outside of we hardcore devotees), and so have set about to make them appeal to a younger audience.  A few readers over the last few weeks have sent me a link to the Hermès website, jaimemoncarre.com (I love my scarf) and asked what I thought.  I've noodled around in there a few times, and came away a bit underwhelmed.

Well, I'm obviously not the target audience.  Those of us who love and appreciate our carrés as a form of wearable art are going to wear when the mood strikes, regardless of their hip quotient.  The website strikes me as a rather cynical and obvious attempt at a manufactured trend, though again, my finger is not exactly on the pulse of youth culture.  Some of the kids in the photos look to be about 15 years old.  Most Hermès scarves cost upward of $350 US.  Do they really think that people in their teens and early 20's have that kind of accessories budget??   Or are they just hoping to counterract the currently fusty image of Hermès scarves that has taken hold?   If the kids are doing it, does that make it cool?

Hey, I don't begrudge the kids a nice scarf.  If they have the money and the style to pull it off, more power to them.  They could certainly do worse.  But I don't think Hermès is fooling anyone with the faux street-style cred they're trying to pull off with the images on this website.  If I were still a young woman, I think I would scoff at this trying-too-hard attempt to sell me on the coolness of it all.

What do you think?  Am I missing something?

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Mystery Clutch

While out and about last week, I spotted this clutch on a retailer's accessories table, and had to zoom in for a closer look.  The leather is lovely in this color and just hints at metallic (more of a slight sheen, really), and the brass-colored studs complement the color beautifully without being too blatantly blingy.  This is a great choice for those occasions where a traditional evening bag or the trusty Chanel 2.55 feels like overkill.  The price is a winner too at $158.

Can you guess which retailer is offering this bag?  Hint: it's not J.Crew or Talbots.  Click here to find out.

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Express Lane Challenge: Post-Game Wrap-Up

In retrospect, this challenge (wearing only 12 items of clothing for 4 weeks) was easier than I thought it would be.  I had a few days of feeling constrained or not quite in sync with some very changeable weather, but for the most part I think I chose my pieces well and made them work.

I wore everything at least once, except for the taupe tunic.  Just never worked that one in.  I strayed outside of my twelve pieces twice but was back in bounds the next day each time.  I did end up staying within the challenge for our work presentation last week; I'd been clued in that none of the other monthly presenters had been doing Full Corporate Drag, so I wore the skirt, black tunic tank with rust cardigan, accessorized with tights, boots and scarf, and felt perfectly appropriate.  And extremely comfortable!

Wendy B asked last week, (in a nutshell) "why bother?"  That's a valid question and I'll try to answer.  Un, I've always aspired to a smaller, well-edited and better quality wardrobe.  Perhaps it's my fascination with the French aesthetic, or maybe just some of the values I was raised with coming to the fore.  Deux, I've often scrambled around in the mornings trying to put together a coherent ensemble from the myriad pieces in my closet, and love the idea a simpler, more coherent garde-robe. Honestly, I just get overwhelmed by too many choices. But I've had trouble putting these ideas into practice, and was wondering if maybe I've just been paying lip service to something that I'm really not committed to.  So the challenge gave me a perfect (and finite) framework in which to really test it out on and for myself.

Conclusions:

1.  My dream of a well-edited, workable wardrobe is a viable one.  My goal is a ratio of 70% "simple chic" workhorse pieces like the ones I chose for the challenge, and the rest as "icing" garments which are more fun/frivolous/twisted, and that don't necessarily have to coordinate with everything else.  Those pieces were what I missed wearing most during the challenge weeks. (Examples of "icing" pieces would be my Hero Jacket or my Suva Wear printed tees.  While these aren't items I'd wear every day, I enjoy having them available when the mood strikes.) 

2.  Knit pencil skirt is my new BFF.  (Edited to add:  the one I have--Eileen Fisher--doesn't seem to be available any more on the EF website, but I did find it at Neiman Marcus, here.  The foldover version still available at eileenfisher.com is similar in fabric and cut, except for the foldover waist which allows you to adjust the length.)

3.  Eileen Fisher pieces will probably continue to be the foundation of my wardrobe, even once I've hit my goal weight, as they coordinate well, travel well, fit my "simple chic" aesthetic, provide good quality and durability, and the long-over-lean silhouette works for my proportions.  (And I'm really liking many items in their current and upcoming collections, more on this later.)

4. I've done way too much "consolation" buying.  (Thank you, Duchesse, for articulating this so clearly in your post last week.)  There's a whole lot of "I-can't-find-the-perfect-little-black-dress...ooh-look-a-cardigan!" purchases taking up space in my closet.  As well as the dreaded, "It'll Do's."

5.  Quality, quality, quality.  Those little J.Crew cotton sweaters are fun, but like cotton candy, don't satisfy over time.

6.  I need to more stringently apply the "do I love it?" litmus test when considering purchases.

And to switch sports, a bit of Monday Morning Quarterbacking...

The Talbots pink coat has been returned.  As some of you suggested I tried it with pants, buttoned up, standing on my head, but ultimately it just didn't work.  Had it been just a bit longer, and cut more narrowly, and without those big patch pockets it MIGHT have been a keeper.  Add to the list of items that are great in concept, just not for me. 

Picture at top from here.
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Foulard de la semaine

Scarf rings can be a great way to get some different looks from your scarves, and to keep scarves in place. 

The "chain d'ancre" ring is from Hermès, and is hand carved from horn.  This is my most frequently used scarf ring.  The horn material is very light, and unlike metal versions that sometimes tend to slide down from their own weight, this one stays put, even on smaller "vintage" sized scarves (27 in/70 cm square).  And the neutral color seems to go with every scarf I own!  Mai Tai is offering a version of the chain d'ancre in several colors and sizes, and for less than the Hermès version.  You can find here:  Scarf Rings by Mai Tai.  While you're there, check out some of gorgeous ways she styles her Hermès pieces!

The other simple gold scarf ring is a one I purchased at least two decades ago. (Can't believe I still have it!)  I often get asked if it's Gucci (horse bit design) but no.  But you don't need a special scarf ring; any large sized band ring will work, as long as there are no rough edges to snag your scarves. 

That last style, BTW, looks great under a coat or jacket.

Enjoy!
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Think Pink?

Yes, it's time for the Talbots Pink Coat reveal!  But before I show you a picture of the coat, I want you to be in the right mindset.  Think Mid-Century.

Think this...

Or this...

Not this...

As I mentioned in comments on a previous post, I found it impossible to get a good shot of this coat on.  The color is divine.  I can only describe it as a neutral dusty pink.  I think this would flatter many skin tones, and it certainly does mine.  I'd had some trepidation about the fabric, but my fears of a crunchy texture that resembled the pelt of a Sesame Street character were for naught.  While not cashmere-soft, it isn't scratchy, and the texture is evenly fluffy. 

But the shape, it's definitely Mid-Century Full.

I just couldn't find a pose that shows this to best advantage.  Honestly, it does look better on than the picture shows.  But yes, it's a boxy cut.  Not the most figure-flattering piece.  On the plus side, it's such a delicious gulp of color.  I'm on the fence; yea or nay?

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Une femme recommends...

RéVive Eye Renewal Cream


Une femme has learned to be skeptical of expensive, over-hyped skin creams.  I've found darn few that really deliver what the breathless Sales Associate promises.  After the third person told me that I must try this product, I gave in and took some samples home.

I don't have a lot of deep wrinkles in the eye area, but what I do have are droopy upper lids with a crepey texture that is only accentuated by wearing eye shadow.  After using this stuff for a few days, the lids seemed slightly less droopy, but the crepey look was almost totally gone.  Smooth skin!  So yeah, I went back and bought some.  I was instructed to just tap the top rather than pump, as only a very small amount is needed, and the tube should last for several months. 
 

"Express Lane" Challenge - Rounded Third, Sliding Into Home

...and I do mean "sliding."

In week 4 now, just a few more days remaining in the challenge.  I'll admit that I cracked last week on the fourth day of 90+F heat.  I couldn't bring myself wear the same top for one more day, so subbed out a navy tee for the black tunic which I'd worn for the prior three days.  And added a cotton cardi for the office that also wasn't included in the original dozen items.  The fluctuating temperatures have been the most challenging aspect of this enterprise.  I wasn't expecting either the highs or lows that we've had, but I've mostly been able to make do with my 12 items by layering. 

I confess that I'll be glad to finish with this exercise.  While I did mostly find it easy to get dressed in the mornings, I'm looking forward to wearing some of my other seasonal pieces.

What I did differently:  wore a skirt MUCH more than I normally do.  Will probably continue to work the skirt into my rotation more often.  Wore the same item multiple days in a row.  No one seemed to notice, but I was switching up the accessories quite a bit.

I wonder if having the temptation of other items in full view made me feel more constrained by my capsule wardrobe?  If I only had those twelve items available, would I miss having other pieces?   It's hard to say.  Being in the process of losing some weight, I'm hopeful that I'll have the opportunity to do more weeding and refining of my wardrobe in the near future.  While I don't think I could live long-term with only twelve items, I do realize that I could do with far fewer than my current inventory, provided they are well-selected and of a quality that will hold up to frequent wear. 

If you've experimented with a limited item wardrobe, what did you glean from it?  Could you make do with a limited wardrobe over a long period of time, or is variety the spice of your wardrobe?
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Foulard de la semaine

Shown here are a couple of simple knots.  Start with one of the basic folds for square scarves from last week's video.

I like a granny knot for a more casual, unstudied look.  A square knot is fine if you prefer, but will look more "done." 

The second look is great for wearing with a jacket or suit, but also works with a tee shirt and jeans when you don't want the ends flapping around or dragging in your soup.

Here's a pic of the scarf used:

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How To Wear A Full Skirt

No, not like this.

After Tuesday's post showing some of Talbots Spring 2011 looks, several of you made the case in comments that the full skirts shown couldn't be worn by most of us either because of age or proportions.  Now maybe that's true for the really stiff, bulky, gathered skirts, but I'm a little teapot, short and stout, and in the past I've worn versions of fuller, longer skirts and loved them, loved the grace and movement they bring.

First, let's work on banishing the knee-jerk, "I can't wear X" from our style vocabulary. Or as Wendy B says, "never say never."  If something just plain doesn't appeal to you or makes you feel too self-conscious, that's one thing, but with the right cut, fabric and styling, you'd be amazed at what you can wear and look great.

Second, let's quit using models in photo shoots as the only standard for how the clothes "should" look on.  Have you ever been in the same room with an actual model?  I have, and they're genetically abnormal.  I really don't mean that in a disparaging way, but they are just built differently than 98% of women you will ever meet.   Not just thin, but tall, very very tall, and small-boned.  Not to mention that in photo shoots they are made up, perfectly lit, and the clothing has probably been altered within an inch of its life, and pinned with clothespins in the back to fit them perfectly.  Then the pictures are photoshopped to erase creases and bulges.  Especially when you're purchasing off-the-rack clothing, it's never going to look like that.  Do I wish retailers used clothing models that were actually closer to how most of us are really constructed?  Heck yes.  But in the meantime, we need to recognize that the clothes are going to look different on models than on most of us (yes, even Juliette Binoche).  That doesn't mean the clothes look better on the models, necessarily, just different.

And if you need further evidence that Yes We Can wear fuller skirts, Materfamilias shows how it's done:
Doesn't she look gorgeous in this??  Here's why I think this works:  1) the fabric is soft and drapes well, and 2) the yoke keeps volume below the waist and top of hips.  She has the length just right too.

Another wearable option is to look for skirts with bias-cut panels and that flare toward the hem, which will also provide graceful movement and the look of fullness, but without bulk where you don't want it.  Especially for those of us who are short or thick waisted, avoiding bulk at the waist and top of hips is key.

I'm not arguing that not every look will be flattering for every body.  But I do think longer, fuller skirts can be graceful, feminine and flattering; it's just a matter of finding the right versions for our bodies, and paying attention to styling.  Maybe the particular skirts shown in the Talbots collection won't look good on some of us, but I'd bet that if you like the look, you can find another one out there that will.

Have you ever tried a style you'd previously written off, only to find that it really worked for you?
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Looking for Something to Read Today?

La Belette Rouge is now blogging weekly for Psychology Today!  Her first post is up, and you can read here.

The November issue of Goldivas is now online.

This is a hoot, and so true:  How To Get Street Style Snapped.
(h/t Wardrobe Oxygen)
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Déjà printemps??

Spring 2011 collection....guess whose??

Yep.  Talbots.  Pictures from Style.com.

Spring collections usually do *nothing* for me.  Fall is my season.  But these, oh la la!  The full skirts and colorful pumps are reminiscent of one of my favorite movie wardrobes, that of Vianne (played by Juliette Binoche) in the movie Chocolat.  I'm also intruiged by the LBD and the some of the jackets.

Wish I could find a better pic of some of her clothing, but hey, Johnny Depp!!

~

Satisfaction, Gratification, and Making Choices

This has nothing to do with today's topic, just loved the image.  From here.

This is another of my rambling, navel-gazing ruminations, so if that's not your tasse d'espresso, feel free to skip.  I'll have some pretty things to show you tomorrow.

Many years ago, I read somewhere that our culture often confuses Satisfaction and Gratification.  Satisfaction is that pleasure we get from accomplishment: from finishing a project or achieving a goal through our own efforts.  Gratification is immediate reward:  a new pair of shoes, the taste of a creme brulée on the tongue, a compliment from someone who matters.  We need a balance between the two in our lives, and one can't fill the place of the other.  If we seek gratification when what we're really missing is satisfaction, it doesn't scratch that itch, at least not for long, and we keep buying, eating, consuming in search of satisfaction. (And we're bombarded by advertising in support of this tail-chasing consumption.) Likewise, if we don't allow ourselves immediate pleasures, we can become achieveaholics, chasing happiness by racking up trophies or promotions or balances in bank accounts.

Last week when La Belette Rouge wrote about her recent weight loss and recounted the thought processes that led up to her decision to make some changes, a couple of passages really resonated with me.  First, "I simmered in a bitter stew of self-loathing, shame and inaction," hit me like a brick.  I've been dancing around this feeling for years, acknowledging it only occasionally, and trying to talk myself into being OK with my body at its current higher weight.

And tying into that, her words,  "I am incredibly permissive with myself around food," really brought home that I've been using gratification (food, shopping) in an attempt to smooth over the dissatisfaction I feel about my body.  There's a thing that dieters and people with eating disorders do, something I've seen referred to as "eating around."  We deny ourselves the "forbidden" food we're really craving, then eat around our sense of deprivation with other foods that don't satisfy, often winding up eating more calories than we would have, had we just allowed ourselves the desired morsel.  I've been eating around (and shopping around) the issue of weight, and the feelings of deprivation stemming from not being able to wear a lot of clothing styles that I love.  While I understand that I'll never have a willowy frame, I also know that I feel too heavy in my body right now, I'm tired of dressing to camouflage everything between neck and knees, and I can no longer pretend that it isn't really, really bothering me. 

I've embarked on weight loss regimes in the last couple of years, but never followed through.  Once I drop a few pounds and my clothes no longer feel tight, I stop and switch to maintenance.  Or it just starts to feel like too much damn work, or as though I shouldn't have to make hard choices. (Look at her, she's thin, she's eating the bread!  With butter!  IT'S NOT FAIR!!!)  Like Michael Douglas' character in "Wonder Boys" who doesn't want to have to make choices in his writing and winds up with an overstuffed manuscript, I want it both ways.

And truthfully, when I'm taking care of myself in this area and practicing self awareness and self discipline, the other areas of my life also seem to go more smoothly and feel more manageable. The structure is freeing in a way. Just as I get up and go to work every morning even on the days I'd rather go back to bed, I have to put myself in the mindset to stick even when it gets hard, and when the novelty wears off.  No more telling myself that I really don't care. 

So once more into the breach, dear friends, armed with a points calculator and renewed determination.  Will achieving this goal bring the satisfaction I'm seeking?  I don't know for sure, but if I keep giving up on myself I'll never find out.  Right now I'm just incredibly relieved to acknowledge all of this, and especially to come clean with myself. I feel as though my heart and head, my purpose and actions, are finally aligned.
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