Visible Monday: Scarves and Pumpkins and Cars, Oh My!

A favorite ensemble, scarf added for color.

Pumpkin carving this year was quick and to the point.  I don't use any fancy instruments, just a filet knife.

Bewitched

Goblins at 10 o'clock!

All you kids, off my lawn!

The reason I was rushed to finish the Halloween decorating is now parked in the driveway. Yes, we spent all of yesterday afternoon at the car dealer, and I am now the proud owner of an Acura RDX. Though it's a far cry from the models I was initially looking at, it was one of the most comfortable to drive, the base model had all of the features I wanted, and the out-the-door price was less than what we would have paid to add the desired options to a Toyota or Honda. I'm just incredibly relieved to have the car shopping process done with.

Check out the rest of Visible Monday over at Not Dead Yet Style.

Happy Halloween!!!
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Polyvore Challenge!

Ma soeur, who has a wicked sense of humor, challenged me to create a Polyvore using this shirt,

from Cabela's Outfitters, a retailer primarily known for hunting, fishing and other outdoor adventure equippage.


Sis, you know I love a challenge!  So here you are.

One For The Road by unefemme featuring leather motorcycle gloves

Enjoy! Et bon weekend!
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Une femme recommends...

Not yer grandpa's loafers...

A few weeks back, Karen posted about the current loafer trend, a look that can easily "fast forward to frump." Her advice was to look for a modern tweak on the classic. She showed us some great options, and I've just found another one.

Available in four colors, the patent leather and sleek styling of these Biella loafers from J.Crew steers well clear of Frumpy Town. They're a fun and comfortable alternative for those who don't wear or need a break from heels. This color, "Getaway Green" (teal, actually) can bring some color interest to a neutral ensemble, yet is neutral enough to play nicely with other hues. The patent leather is much softer than it looks and the leather lined foot bed is comfortable even sans hosiery.

(Think they might run just a bit big, and do seem to stretch with wearing, so if you're on the fence size-wise, might want to order a half size down.)
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The Desire to Divest

Pretty Stuff at the Officina Profumo Farmaceutica di Santa Maria Novella in Florence, Italy

Value, as in value of Things is a very fluid concept. There's sentimental value, which can't be added to a spreadsheet with an accompanying photo, or weighed or added up on a calculator.  Then there's monetary value, which can be almost as capricious.

We've been going through my MIL's things (and I use the term "we" loosely, as I've been more peripherally involved than le monsieur and his brothers) in order to determine what should be kept, sold, donated or tossed. We've had items appraised and dealt with consignment people, and those who have a business reselling things on ebay. I've seen some families have terrible rifts over family possessions and estates; in le monsieur's family everyone seems to be going out of their way to be solicitous and painstakingly generous and fair. As I mentioned before, most of us don't have the space or lifestyle for the kind of household items that my in-laws collected over the years, so the vast majority is being disposed of one way or another.

It's been an interesting lesson that the current value of anything has little relation to what was originally paid for it; some items that were quite expensive 10, 20, 30 years ago have little (if any!) resale value now, while others that one would think are insignificant have become minor collectors' items (1980's Lucite trays? Really??)

Clothing is especially fraught. Because she and I were roughly the same size, I've come under a lot of pressure to take some items. While she did have some nice clothes, they aren't my style, as "nice" as they might be. At some level, I worry that I'll be perceived as somehow disrespectful for not wanting things that belonged to her.

Despite our protestations, le monsieur and I have somehow wound up with a living room full of dusty boxes to sort through. Glass swizzle sticks, olive bowls, paper Hanukkah decorations, plaques and awards...it looks like a scene out of Hoarders and I have no idea what we'll do with it all. The overwhelmed part of me just wants to set it all out on the curb on trash day.

Having had to deal with all of this Stuff has not only made me really want to have less Stuff, but has brought home that anything is only as valuable as the enjoyment we get from it now. Use your "nice" things now; enjoy them.  And if you aren't using or enjoying them now, give them away to someone who will treasure them, or sell or trade if you can. And buy anything only because you will love and use it, not out of any perceived investment value (unless you have a business doing so, of course).

I have a lot of heirlooms from my own family, many of which are packed away in boxes because they are either fragile or valuable or we have no place to put them. I've been thinking that it might be time to start selling what I can and perhaps donating the rest as there's no one to hand them down to, and maybe someone else will get more enjoyment from them than we can.  The sentimental value no longer seems to be enough to warrant keeping them. I've set this as a project for next year.

Do you have stuff you keep for sentimental reasons? To hand down to the next generation? Stuff you've inherited and would like to get rid of but feel guilty about doing so?
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Visibly Spotted

First, I just want to apologize for not responding to all of your lovely comments on the last few posts. I do read and appreciate every single comment. Life is still pulling me in many different directions, but I'm hopeful that things will start to settle down in the next week or two. And I haven't been able to comment on your blogs as much as I'd like, but know that I am reading and getting inspiration from you all.

I'm so glad I nabbed this J.Crew sweater when I spotted it (ha!) in the store a few weeks ago, as it seems to be sold out now, at least online available intermittently in limited sizes online. I was worried that the shape would be too long and narrow, but it seems to fit me well, and the vertical orientation of the pattern adds flattering touch.

And yes, a bit more visibility above the neck as I've gone the Full Seberg with the hair again.

Sweater: J.Crew, Tippi sweater in Leopard, no longer available online here. (thanks, cigalechanta!) Tippi sweater in other colors here.
Jeans: 7 for All Mankind, here.
Shoes: Stuart Weitzman, here.
Jewelry from Stella and Dot/Karen Karlsen: earrings here, necklace here, bracelets here and here.
And of course my Wendy Brandes ring!

See the rest of the Visible Monday contributors over at Not Dead Yet Style!
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Guess who's coming to Chico's?

Diane Keaton!

Yes, Chico's has signed her to be the face of their 2011 Holiday collection. This is not only the first time Chico's has enlisted a celebrity endorser, but also the first ever fashion campaign for Keaton.  As she's long been known for her distinctive style, this might be a very smart move on the part of Chico's which has often been associated (fairly or unfairly) with an overly embellished, Aunt-Gertie-Goes-To-Vegas aesthetic. (And fessing up: I have some Chico's basic pieces in my wardrobe that have been reliable standbys for *years*.)

I've always been a fan of DK's polished boy-meets-girl style, and hope that this might be a new direction for Chico's, emphasizing a simpler, cleaner aesthetic.

Chico's has a promising section of Diane Keaton looks, here.

(BTW, I'd kill for her hair.)
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Ici et là bas...

Today, une femme is featured over at The Closet Coach!

The Closet Coach (Real world style advice for your frantic, fabulous life) includes not only WIW posts (and yesterday's ensemble with the leopard shoes and sweater is speaking to me!) but really great tips and strategies for real life style that are an antidote to those "I have nothing to wear!" days.

Thank you to The Closet Coach, for inviting me to participate in this monthly profile series!
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Auto-matic

Animal Instincts by unefemme featuring a leopard print shirt

Yesterday was Take a Leopard to Work Day!  Not really but wore an approximation of the ensemble above to the office. 

While I'm still stumbling through the Minotaur's labyrinth that is auto research and shopping (armed with only a 50-yard box of dental floss), playing with Polyvore is actually a relaxation exercise.

After driving a bunch of different makes and models over the weekend, the surprise leader is the Toyota Camry Hybrid. Not sexy, but probably will be most practical for us long term. And long term is how we think when it comes to autos. At one point we'd fantasized about a convertible, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards right now. But I'm still waiting to hear from the insurance company and am not quite ready to sign on any dotted lines, so can't slay the beast quite yet.



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And the winner of the Karina Dress Giveaway is...

Le monsieur is pressed into service...

Selecting a name...and the winner is.....

Susan Tiner!! 

Congratulations to Susan Tiner, of the blog Style Made By Hand.  Susan, I know you're planning a trip to Paris next year; your Karina dress will be the perfect packable piece.

Thanks to everyone who entered, and remember that if you'd like to purchase one of these fabulous dresses, use code FEMM30 for $30 off any full-priced dress.
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Poetry to start the week...

The Word
    - Tony Hoagland

Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,

between “green thread”
and “broccoli” you find
that you have penciled “sunlight.”

Resting on the page, the word
is as beautiful, it touches you
as if you had a friend

and sunlight were a present
he had sent you from some place distant
as this morning—to cheer you up,

and to remind you that,
among your duties, pleasure
is a thing,

that also needs accomplishing
Do you remember?
that time and light are kinds

of love, and love
is no less practical
than a coffee grinder

or a safe spare tire?
Tomorrow you may be utterly
without a clue

but today you get a telegram,
from the heart in exile
proclaiming that the kingdom

still exists,
the king and queen alive,
still speaking to their children,

—to any one among them
who can find the time,
to sit out in the sun and listen.

~

Cars, and other stuff

So, no big surprise, but my car is officially Totaled. What this means is that the estimate to repair the damage is higher (far, far higher) than the value of my car. AND it turns out (also no big surprise) that the car that hit me wasn't insured. So it will probably come down to a death match between us and the insurance company over the settlement value for my car. AND because the owner of the other car wasn't insured, I have only 30 days of rental coverage, so I have to find myself another vehicle sooner than later.

It's been 13 years since I've been car shopping, and am not an Auto Enthusiast to begin with. To me, a car is a way to get from Point A to Point B, and in this corner of the world, a Necessary Evil. So readers, I'm looking for input.  My requirements are: good gas mileage, seats 4 adults comfortably, automatic climate control and a good track record for reliability. Most of my day-to-day driving is around town rather than freeway.  I'd get another Accord but a) the new ones are kind of ugly and b) they're pretty expensive now. (Not Ugly is another requirement. As is Affordability. We hadn't planned on this expense at this point, and will first be shopping dealers currently offering good financing deals.)

Do you have any recommendations?  Any brands or models to avoid like the plague?  I've already ruled out a Volkswagen Jetta, my current rental car.  Don't like the seat, feel like I'm sitting in a bucket.

The good news is that my neck/shoulder soreness abated with a couple of Advil and hasn't recurred.

I'm just waiting for confirmation from the Karina Dresses folks to be able to announce the winner of the drawing.  Soon, I hope!
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Prints, Charming

J.Crew paisley top and skirt

J.Crew served up some some serious temptation yesterday morning in the form of a "New Arrivals!" email.  The blue and orange paisley pencil skirt I picked up a few months ago has been such a wonderful and wearable piece, I'm sorely tempted by this one in the purple and green paisley, and the top too! (And for a bit of history on paisley prints, see this post by Tabitha at Bourbon & Pearls.)

Then there's this v-neck mohair cardigan in the Good Leopard Print. I can think of a dozen ways to wear this with pieces already in my closet...

And here's how to hop a ride on the polka dot bandwagon without looking too twee...keep it black and white! Polka Dot Popover.

Love this combination of a Belgian loafer profile with leopard print...

But I have to admit the studded tweed (not two words you normally expect to find in the same sentence!) version appeals mightily to my irreverent side...

Program Note: We have one minor technicality to resolve and then I'll be able to announce the winner of the Karina Dresses giveaway, so stay tuned!
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Perhaps not my week...

While driving home last night, was rear-ended by a minivan while stopped at a light. My poor little smooshed Honda!

I'm fine, except for a bit of soreness in my shoulders.  But dang it, I didn't need another Thing to deal with...
:-p
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N'oubliez pas...

Twice As Nice - I loved my first Karina dress so much I purchased a second one!

Don't forget that you have until 11:59pm Pacific Time on Tuesday October 11 to enter to win a dress from Karina Dresses!

Click HERE to enter to win by leaving a comment. And please remember to "Like" Karina Dresses on Facebook!

Aussi, n'oubliez pas that if you shop on the website, be sure to use code FEMM30 for a $30 discount.
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Back to normal, sort of...(sigh)

Ah, looks like our usual Indian Summer has arrived. I knew it was only a matter of time, but I did enjoy those few weeks of almost-sweater-and-scarf weather.

But our lives still aren't quite back to normal.  We just finished up the High Holidays, the first without my MIL, which was hard. We all gathered to break the Yom Kippur fast at her house as she'd wanted, and her absence was palpable. Her home was the family gathering place, where holidays were celebrated, and out of town family always had a place to stay. My BIL and his wife are mostly handling going through her things and clearing out the house to rent (at least until the real estate market picks back up) but they're leaving at the end of the month to get back to their boat in Fiji, and need to have the place renter-ready before they leave. So we'll be helping with that process as much as we're able on weekends.

My MIL (and my FIL, before he passed away a few years ago) had collected so much nice furniture and household things over the years and it's a shame, but most of it will probably have be sold or donated as none of the kids or other family have the space or lifestyle to keep much of it. Which has me thinking about my own family heirlooms and whether it makes sense to start divesting some of them, as there's really no one to hand them down to.

And then last week our boss told us that we'd been tasked with a MegaProject, one of those year+ software development projects that's Job 1 and Pedal to the Metal. So to say I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment is probably not an overstatement. I do plan to keep up blogging, even if there may be weeks where posting is sparse, as I love the process, the friends I've made, and the wonderful online conversations that result.  Thanks in advance for your forbearance.
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Jolie est comme jolie fait...

A few weeks ago, a friend said to me, "you look SO pretty in that lipstick," and I found myself flinching with an almost reflexive recoil from the word. Crazy, right? I mean, doesn't every woman want to be pretty? Yet...

Interesting, this bit of personal baggage. I'm not looking for bolstering, and have actually grown quite comfortable and content with my looks. Over the years I've learned to take a compliment, and believe it. Call me attractive, gorgeous, even beautiful, and I'll buy in. But "pretty?" Pretty feels like it belongs to someone else, like a pair of designer heels that I might admire but could never walk in, or a too tight dress. Not a good fit.

Perhaps my ambivalence originated with all of those years of hearing "you'd be so pretty if you just lost weight." Pretty became something that always felt out of reach. Perhaps because of the era in which I grew up, Pretty in my mind evokes a very narrow, conventional standard of attractiveness. Pretty was a label bestowed on the cheerleaders, the popular girls, the slender ones with long golden hair and whose mothers let them wear stretch pants and two-piece bathing suits. (And to free-associate around in the deepest recesses of my psyche, Pretty correlates with Conventional in other ways too: feminine, traditional, deferential, a Good Girl.)

There's nothing wrong with being pretty, and no, I don't really think conventionally pretty women inherently embody ANY of those descriptors. My personal beef is with the word and my own associations, not the women it's applied to. Appearance isn't destiny, or in any way the totality of who we are. If you think of yourself as pretty and it feels like a good fit, more power to you.

But while Pretty feels confining and exclusive to me, Beautiful feels expansive and inclusive. Pretty divides, Beauty unites. Pretty is something that's bestowed, Beauty is something we all inherently possess. Pretty is on the surface, Beauty is about the whole of us. And the older I get, the more I realize that Pretty is fleeting, Beauty lasts a lifetime.

I remember reading a few years ago (can't remember specifically where) musings from a woman who "woke up one morning and realized that [she] would never again be the pretty girl in the room," and the sense of loss she was experiencing as a result of this. Having never been "the pretty girl in the room" I find that while I'm not always thrilled by the signs of aging, I don't feel that I'm losing a part of my identity with each new wrinkle or brown spot or inch of waistline. I just wish I could go back and explain this eventual advantage to my younger self who at times wanted more than anything to be considered one of the pretty girls.

What about you?  Are you and Pretty on good terms? Are there other words you feel ambivalent about using to describe yourself?
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Paris In the Fall...

Paris in the Fall by unefemme featuring flower jewelry

No, not this fall. We're crossing our fingers for Spring '12.
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Mid-week Links

We're actually getting some rain right now. Huzzah!

Tish of A Femme d'un Certain Age has an article in MORE magazine!  You can read it here.

Sal at Already Pretty addresses the clothing industry (and pretty darn eloquently, I might add) about diversity.

Pam at Over50Feeling40 speaks out against domestic violence in the most powerful way, by sharing her story.

October Goldivas is online.

Vivienne Files builds a wardrobe around an Hermès scarf.

Fashion Over Fifty shows that sometimes breaking the "rules" can be fun!
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Desert Boots, Well Heeled

I've always had an affinity for desert boots. My first pair, purchased from the "special offers" bin at our local grocery store for $4, looked very similar to the style above. I was 13, still had my horse, and thought they'd be a good riding alternative to cowboy boots, but something unexpected happened when I put them on. I felt powerful, strong, capable. I didn't just walk, I strode. (Up until that point all of my clothing and footwear except the aforementioned cowboy boots had been chosen by my mother, and was more traditionally feminine.) I loved them so much I wore them constantly, riding or no. They looked great with my bell-bottom jeans and cords (hey, it was the 70's...) and held up amazingly well for a $4 pair of shoes; I think it was my senior year in high school when the stitching connecting the leather to the crepe sole finally split and I tossed them.

Some readers mentioned that they loved the look of the Indigo by Clarks desert/chukka boots I posted last Friday, but that the heel was just too high. So with the help of Shopstyle, I've searched out some options with a lower heel, but that still have that quelque chose that puts them a cut above your dad's old chukka boots. (You can click on any of the Shopstyle images for direct links to the products.) I haven't tried any of these on so can't testify as to the comfort.

Doc Martens

Although the heel on this one is listed at 3", there's a 3/4" platform which brings the net heel height down to 2-1/4". Doc's are reputed to be crazy comfortable.

More Paul Green...

Paul Green - like the detailing on this one. Just funky enough.

More Asos...

More MLE...

I included this one for the slouchy design, a bit different.

More Eddie Bauer...

If you like a wedge, these in green are fun...

More Fossil...

Straightforward, but like the turned up toe.

More Chukka...

Lands End Canvas. In the past I've found Land's End shoes to be a good value, but haven't purchased any in recent years. 

More Arche...

The wonderful thing about Arche shoes is that you can actually wash them in the sink. And the nubuck leather is Like Buttah™.

More Miss Sixty...

Not familiar with this brand, but like the distressing and grey color.



Just a leetle wedge, from ECCO.







Finally, I'm also including these J.Crew boots, which are available in some yummy colors.  Though the copy says the heel is 3", they don't look that high to me, and many people find  height in a wedge easier to wear.


Clark's ad at top of post borrowed from theweejun.com