Comments on Une femme d'un certain age: Extreme Maintenance

Late to the party, but I really enjoyed this post....

2008-12-03T13:57:00.000-08:00

Late to the party, but I really enjoyed this post. I revamped most of my wardrobe two years ago because, after I got married, 10 pounds somehow creeped into my life. It bothered me to go up a size, but obviously not enough to spend half my free time at the gym and live on salads for the rest of my days. Now I'm concentrating on getting a bit of exercise everyday, but I still can't put down those cookies. It really is true that priorties simply change as we get older, and being a size 2 usually isn't one of them.

THis was a really great post and some pretty inte...

2008-12-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

THis was a really great post and some pretty interesting responses too. I struggle with this same thing. Once thin, no longer, I am not convinced that having to make the sacrifices to remain "chic" are truly worth it. It seems that many women (not all of course) give up that part of themselves that make them funny, wise, savvy and smart to be a shell of a person. I did lose 20 pounds this year. I need to lose more (20 to 30 pounds) but I am in no hurry and if it happens while I lead a healthy and enjoyable life, that would be ideal. But you know at 5'9" and a size 14 it is far easier to find clothes that fit me now than ever fit when when I was a skinny size 6, and I honestly don't believe I was happier in that body. It seems that accepting and making the most of oneself, with humor, is a recipe for a far happier life. Life is short enough and stressful enough without making it harder. Of course we are all different, with different skins, hair, shapes, and personalities and I think there is room for all of us.

I find it hard to imagine enjoying a world where all the women look 30 and all the men look like Michael Kors. People used to say that youth was wasted on the young. I chose to believe that the ephemera of youth is not nearly as interesting as what one accumulates in life. I'd hate to see age, beauty, and wisdom wasted on trying to regain youth. Pass the scotch and the chocolate cake.

Belle - I tend to take Michael Kors with a grain o...

2008-12-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Belle - I tend to take Michael Kors with a grain of salt. He always looks orange from too much bronzer, and his designs don't often speak to me. I think at some point we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women, (after all there will always be someone prettier, younger, thinner, firmer, with better hair) and just start trying to be our best selves. If that means the good highlights, so be it.

Julianne - thanks! I'll bet you're a marvelous cook. Can I come to dinner? ;-)

What a wonderful post. An issue that most struggl...

2008-12-02T05:54:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful post. An issue that most struggle with. I had always been fairly thin until 30 or so. I am only willing to do so much sacrifice. Cooking and creating good food is a hobby to me. I do try to eat mostly seasonally and I rarely eat processed food. I could up my activity level a bit. But I am not going to structure my life around trying to be thin.

Oh, and I want to go on that Martini Diet.

2008-12-01T20:50:00.001-08:00

Oh, and I want to go on that Martini Diet.

I don't know if you saw the Bag Snob TV post with ...

2008-12-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you saw the Bag Snob TV post with the interview with Michael Kors. He made a cultural observation that I found interesting. He said that chic women now all look thirty something-ish, whether they are 20 or 65. God...that's a hard standard to be held up to, especially if you have a day job which requires you to, you know, actually work instead of work out all day and go to botox injections all day.
Still, I say balance in all things is good. I might have to eat fish all week so that I can enjoy a good steak frite with pinot noir at Anisette on the weekends.
And I'm with Wendy B. Yeah I'd have more time for fun if I didn't have to dye my hair to cover the gray. But I think that the quality of my life would suffer if I let myself age naturally.
And now with 25 yearl girls getting botox on a regular basis...a middle age woman looks even older in their midst.

Karen - "radiant health and humor," yes!! What a ...

2008-12-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

Karen - "radiant health and humor," yes!! What a great way to approach life.

Thomas - I find a lot of people (men and women) look angry while working out. Especially weight lifters. I think for some people, the unabashed grimacing is part of the appeal.

Anon - true, fear and loathing of food is no way t...

2008-12-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

Anon - true, fear and loathing of food is no way to live. Dry, fake and starved, indeed. I'm reminded of an episode of the Bill Cosby show, where his wife is trying to get him to eat rice cakes because they're "healthy." He bits into one and says, "the air in my mouth has more flavor than this!"

Laurel - I love the shark analogy! Dangeous and mindless, that's a weight/diet obsession alright. There was a great article in the New England Journal of Medicine probably about ten years ago explaining why weight loss is such a futile resolution. I'll try to find it and post a link.

I find it depressing how angry some women look whi...

2008-12-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

I find it depressing how angry some women look whilst working out. I fear for the future.

No one wants to hear when a thin person gains five...

2008-12-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

No one wants to hear when a thin person gains five pounds, but like Metscan, put that on a tiny frame and that's enough to make your clothes tight enough to donate. I have dealt with "Your sooooo thin" and "Have you been ill?" for the better part of my adult life. A small frame, chasing little kids and neglecting my own nutrition made me into a little sparrow for over a decade of childrearing. As I age, I could give a rats arse about my thickening middle. I know as time passes I will be less vain; the women in my family grow old without surgeries. They get fat tummies. They still dress well and make up each day and wear jewels. They still are loved.

Boobs will sag, stomachs will pooch, faces will slide, and this discourse will go on. I've decided in advance to dump excessive vanity in favor of radiant health and humor. I want to be strong enough and energetic enough to be an active grandmother. That is my goal, to have the health to participate in the joys of the next generation...

Thank you for the gift of this post Pseu!

Lots to think about in your very timely essay, Pse...

2008-12-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

Lots to think about in your very timely essay, Pseu. If the proverbial shark fin isn't completely above the water 24/7, it certainly surfaces during the holiday season; that is, the ongoing discussion in our heads about where we are in relation to our wardrobes, where we think we should be in relation to our idealized selves,where we are in relation to photoshopped fashion images, where we are in relation to the meal with too much salt, yedda.

And, at year's end we have to contend with the RTFTM, the resolutions that failed to materialize, due to our weaknesses, failure of will, whatever.

It seems as tho' the noise gets louder or softer dependent upon how "firm" our metaphorical centers are. If we're feelin a grundy above OKAY, we rock: otherwise, well, you know. . . .

Thank you, thank you. While I lost weight very su...

2008-12-01T13:08:00.001-08:00

Thank you, thank you. While I lost weight very successfully on WW about 8 years ago, I really was obsessed with food and portion sizes to do it, and feared and loathed food. That wasn't a "me" I liked a lot. I'm on a loss cycle now because I'm dealing with my stress and exhaustion better (so eating less and better quality foods, not drinking much) but I'm still chunky - and very muscular and strong underneath it. I'll take pudgy and strong over obsessed any day.

About 7 years ago husband and I went out to eat and were seated on the patio next to another couple. He ate a reasonable but "normal" meal (protein and sides) and had a glass of wine and she had a small salad, no dressing, and a diet coke. I remembered then thinking that if that was how I had to go through life, dry, fake and starved, then it just wasn't worth it to me.

Thank you, thank you. While I lost weight very su...

2008-12-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

"themselves" should be "herself" in my response to...

2008-12-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

"themselves" should be "herself" in my response to Wendyb. Gah, I hate it when I have a grammatical hiccup!

metscan - yes, it seems that we no sooner get comf...

2008-12-01T11:53:00.000-08:00

metscan - yes, it seems that we no sooner get comfortable with ourselves that something changes!

Wendyb - that's why I said every women has to make those choices for themselves. It's not about giving up and moving to a leper colony, (and that's not the dichotomy I was setting up, either) it's about deciding consciously which of these support and sustain us. I may learn to live with these ten pounds, but by Gawd I'm not giving up my colorist or my thrice-yearly hydroxy peel facials!
;-p

spacegeek - one of my favorite bits of wisdom from...

2008-12-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

spacegeek - one of my favorite bits of wisdom from Manolo the Shoeblogger is this: Dress well, live well, treat others well, and do all you can with joyful confidence and others will invariably come to love your flaws as you yourself cannot. Your comment reminded me of that; we have to do the best we are able and then let go.

Miss Janey - and now I'm going to quote Naomi Wolf, "Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women's history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one." Girlfried had that right!

Sal - "tail chasing" is a great analogy! LBR - I ...

2008-12-01T11:34:00.000-08:00

Sal - "tail chasing" is a great analogy!

LBR - I can relate to that feeling that acceptance comes and goes. Send some of those dietetic macarons my way, eh?

Linn - comparing ourselves to others is really so ...

2008-12-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

Linn - comparing ourselves to others is really so counterproductive, isn't it? I try to remind myself that even the most genetically blessed people have issues they struggle with (sometimes including crappy self-esteem).

nina - thanks for your comment. That feeling of tightness is so rarely a motivator; for me it just reinforces the negative feelings.

cybill - I hear ya! Finding that balance or compr...

2008-12-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

cybill - I hear ya! Finding that balance or compromise is tough.

see you there - thanks so much for reading and for joining the discussion! I have a major closet-clearing planned for next weekend when the rest of the family will be out of town. Stay tuned... ;-)

Kelly - there's an old quote from Sally Kempton, "...

2008-12-01T11:25:00.000-08:00

Kelly - there's an old quote from Sally Kempton, "it's hard to fight an enemy with outposts in your own head." It's been my experience that the pressure from outside is magnified by our degree of agreement with it. Trying to let go of that agreement/collusion is what I struggle with daily.

Duchesse - looking forward to reading it!

Duchesse - thanks! Re: the "I'll divorce her," gu...

2008-12-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

Duchesse - thanks! Re: the "I'll divorce her," guys, thankfully I'm not married to one of those, but I always wonder if they think it would also be OK for their wife to divorce them if they went bald or developed a beer belly??

TessaScoffs - thank you, and graceful, gracious, well-dressed and made up are admirable achievements on a daily basis!

I don't know...giving into Father Time doesn't exa...

2008-12-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

I don't know...giving into Father Time doesn't exactly make me go "Yay." Everyone always says they'd have so much more time if they didn't worry/do things about weight, gray hair, wrinkles etc, but really what are you going to do? I feel like I'm doing plenty. I'm not going to turn into Mother Teresa and start working lepers just because I stop plucking my eyebrows and exercising.

Thanks Deja for your post. I have read the comment...

2008-12-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

Thanks Deja for your post. I have read the comments too and I´m a bit ashamed to admit that although I´m tall and slender, I´d like to get rid of my 2,5 kg tummy rolls! And suddenly just now it is terribly difficult. I hate these two extra kilos on me. Probably most of you must think I´m nuts, maybe so, but I´m small boned and used to be skinny,so the two extra kilos disturb me. Food is not my obsession, but I should leave the sweets out,I know,I know. I have not ever been on a diet and I believe that they don´t do the trick. It needs a permanent change in eating habits. I believe everyone has a certain weight they feel comfortable in. At this certain age, it is just so difficult to hold on to it.

So well said and true, Deja Pseu. Like you, if Mis...

2008-12-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

So well said and true, Deja Pseu. Like you, if Miss J had a dollar for all her obsessive thouights about food, dieting, and exercise, she'd be a rich woman. What a WASTE of energy & talent & time.

I'm 38 and am feeling as though I'm finally gettin...

2008-12-01T09:18:00.000-08:00

I'm 38 and am feeling as though I'm finally getting respectable! LOL I work in a male-dominated field, and women don't dress at all.
I have gained and lost weight over the years, and right now am on a "gain" cycle. While I am not thrilled with it, I just buy bigger sizes and am determined to look put-together and classy no matter what size I am.
I've got 2 kids, a full time job, a husband, a 2 hr commute and a household to manage. These days, I feel like that is enough to manage!