Anchors aweigh

I don't know how the Totally Wrong Sweater survived my last closet purge. It was one of those items I'd purchased at tremendous markdown, thinking it would be a Classic™ because of the color and style (camel, v-neck cashmere). It was "good on paper" but never fit quite right: too long, too tight across the hips, but I'd kept it year after year. The only thing it did fit was an aspirational mental image of myself. Evertime I put it on, I'd take it off within a few minutes, refold it, and put it back on the high shelf with the cedar blocks. And then I'd think about how I needed to lose weight.

Last night, I pulled this sweater down off the shelf again and put it on, thinking it would be a comfortable and cozy choice for lounging at home. Immediately, I could feel the snugness around my hips. I looked in the mirror, and really took note of just how badly this sweater fit, how frumpy it made me look (and feel !!), and the tangible drag it had on my mood and self-image. I took it off, folded it up, and put it in my to-be-donated pile.

Do you have any of those deadweight items still lurking in your closet? What holds you back from getting rid of them?
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Retail Reconnaissance

Just a few items seen while out and about over the weekend that made le coeur d'une femme go pitty-pat:

Banana Republic merino ruffle sweater, $79.50. LOVE this aubergine color, and the ruffle adds visual interest without bulk. Remember if you are a BR card holder, Tuesdays are 10% off!

If I hadn't just spent my next three months' clothing budget shopping in Paris, I'd be all over this kate spade tote. It's Chanel-esque but better: softer, lighter, a fraction of the price.

I normally don't get excited about watches, especially "fashion" watches, but this Michael Kors tortoiseshell-look watch is fabulous! It's a fun and modern alternative to a metal watch with just enough sparkle to lend a bit of "I might be an heiress" attitude to a simple, casual ensemble.
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Commence Stage II

I've begun the second stage of clearing my closet, some new items up over at Emotional Baggage. More to be added by the weekend, so please keep checking.

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Stage 1

Results of first pass at closet purge. Next stop: charity thrift store. *

This was the easy part. All of the never-wore-it/doesn't-fit/worn-out/wrong-color/someone-else's-style/meh/will-never-miss-it pieces. The next phase will be much more difficult; I'll be getting into the wear-it-sometimes/might-wear-it-if-I-lost-more-weight/need-have-an-x-to-go-with-y/not-sure-if-it's-my-style/will-I-regret-not-having-it-at-some-point layer.

I can tell the shopping ban is going to be tough. I shop, therefore I am.

*No, I'm not getting rid of any Fluevogs, just using the bag. There wasn't anything in this pass that really was eligible to be accepted at Dress for Success, mostly separates and more casual.

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Another retailer gets a makeover

So yesterday while at the mall to pick up some birthday cards, I passed by a window that made me do a double-take. In a good way. "Isn't this where Ann Taylor used to be?" mused une femme. To my surprise, the window still belonged to Ann Taylor, but a very updated Ann Taylor. This retailer lost me a few years back when they decided to throw their lot in with a younger, thinner customer looking for (as the parlance goes) more "body conscious" styles (e.g. tight and skimpy). Any item with more fabric than a spaghetti strap was either a snorefest or just too "debutante-wannabe" for my taste.

But (can you hear une femme's Hallelujah Chorus?), they are under the influence of a new designer, and look at some of what they're offering for fall!

This tweed jacket looks GREAT on! The collar can be worn open or buttoned up, works either way.

A flattering pencil skirt cut at a perfect length!


I was sorely tempted by this cardigan in grey (color available in stores, doesn't seem to be online).

If I were more of a blouse person, I would have been all over this ruffled number, c'est tres chic!

I need this scarf for Paris. (In the "Woodberry" color, s'il vous plait.) Content is 99% wool, 1% spandex.

A positively Chanel-esque necklace.

These heels are a bit too high pour moi, but love the shape and the tweed.

And that topper pictured at the top of the post...stunning!! I came home with the pencil skirt, and may go back for the tweed jacket and the scarf....
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Morphing la mode

Picture from here.

Back around third grade during science class, we were introduced to the concept of body somatypes (ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph). Though the concept of body types was originally developed in the 1940's in part to catalog personality traits attributable to each (not surprisingly, now debunked), the somatypes are still used today to generalize basic physical traits.

I remember my eight-year-old self thinking, "aha! I'm an endomorph!" Yet despite the fact that somatypes were presented as inherited and relatively immutable, the idea that having a rounder body was indicative of basic flaws of character (weakness, greediness) also held sway, at least in my family and culture. So I spent decades trying to starve my endomorphic body into ectomorphism. Even at my thinnest, I never achieved the willowy, angular look I so coveted. At best, I achieved a smaller version of my softer, rounded self. (I remember my first boyfriend who used to pinch the "flab" around my waist, even when I weighed 99 pounds. Yes, I eventually broke up with him.)

Fast forward a few decades, and I was re-introduced to the concept of body somatypes at Imogen Lamport's workshop in May. It turns out that ectomorphs are best suited to more structured styles, endomorphs to more soft styles, and mesomorphs will probably look best with a middling amount of structure. The hedonistic part of me has always loved and gravitated toward clothing that flows and drapes, though I've spend many years trying to wear more tailored, structured styles in the name of "professional" dressing, and in an attempt to emulate classic looks that have inspired me since I was a girl and first became aware of fashion.

But lately those stiffer fabrics and more architectural garments just haven't felt right, and I've slowly been moving toward softer silhouettes. I still need to look polished and professional for work ("professional" being much more casual than a decade ago), but cardigan sweaters have been inching out the more constructed jackets, and tees or silk jersey shells have replaced woven blouses.

Call the resulting aesthetic "Hippie Chic" or maybe "Bourgeois Bohemian," but I really can't see myself going back toward a more strictly tailored, structured style. Regardless of the nomenclature, I seem to be getting closer to creating a wardrobe mix that integrates what works best for my body with the basic stylistic elements that have always appealed to me (clean, simple, natural, chic). That accord between body and head seems to be an essential component of bien dans sa peau, without which "ageing gracefully" is next to impossible. As someone who has always felt pulled in conflicting directions style-wise, and has been (probably unduly) influenced by others' style pronouncements, having more of these "click" moments where what I'm wearing feels Just Right is like a balm on my psyche.

What about you? How do you incorporate what appeals to you aesthetically with what works best for your body type? Has the formula changed as you've matured?

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Les vacances, les vêtements

We are leaving in ten days for a seven-day Alaska cruise (with a two-day Vancouver visit on the tail end) and having never been on a cruise before, I am flummoxed about what to pack.

We will have three days of land excursions, all of which will be jeans-and-sweaters type venues, and the rest will be aboard ship. Supposedly there are two "formal" dinners, but can I get away with a dressy skirted suit accessorized with some sparkly stuff? S'il vous plait, je demande votre assistance...how much of what do I need??? Experienced cruisers, please share your tips and suggestions.
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Une femme recommends...

(Cheap Thrills Edition)

Pert Plus "Revive & Rejuvenate" shampoo. Wendy B was right (is she ever wrong??). This is some of the best shampoo I've tried in years! It leaves my hair clean and soft, not dried out at all, but here's the thing...I can go 2-3 days without having to shampoo again, with none of that lanky look or dirty-feeling scalp. With my fine, tending-toward-oily hair that's nothing short of a miracle! And less frequent washing means my color lasts longer. Deux pouces up!

Remember this Polyvore?



Well, the tee shirt I used is now on sale for $5 at Old Navy!

Normally I don't advocate buying throwaway items that will only last a season. But the color on this tee is so fabulous (they call it "Lead Pipe," I call it "Parisian steel grey"), that for $5 a pop, you can buy a spare. The fabric is very light, and the fit good (buy one size up if you prefer a less snug fit). Cheap and chic!

Speaking of fabulous steel greys,

this lightweight cardigan is currently on sale at Banana Republic for $29.99. (Note: online the grey is only available in "tall" however my neighborhood store still had a lot of stock as of earlier this week.)


Estancia Pinot Noir, $14.99. A very smooth, drinkable red, stands up to meat but also lovely with grilled veggies or a salmon fillet. Your taste buds will think you've splurged on a much more expensive bottle.
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Truth In Advertising

Back when mon mari and I were house hunting, we soon came up with our own definitions for the desciptive terms in the real estate listings.

--Cozy: rooms the size of a broom closet

--Charming: hasn't been remodeled since the 70's

--Unique layout: the master bedroom is between the kitchen and pantry

--Great backyard: tear this puppy down and start over

--Convenient location: your back fence is three feet from the the back of a strip mall.

--Quaint: you will need to replace all of the pipes, electrical system, foundation, flooring, ceilings...see also "Great backyard"

--Room to spare: this floor plan makes less sense than the Winchester Mystery House.

--European charm: save money for some armoires, closet space is negligible

Clothing retailers have their own euphemistic lingo too.

--Body conscious: you'll spend the entire evening tugging various bits back into place and hiding behind your date

--Slim fit, slim leg: fuggedaboudit, Thunder Thighs!

--Gathered empire waist: "when's the blessed event?"

--Flirty: see,"Daddy Likey: Don't Show-cha Your Chocha"

--Loose fit, boxy fit, unstructured, oversized: we can't be bothered to even try to do any tailoring or make this correspond to a size

--Very low rise: time to study for your plumber's license!

--On trend: this will look dated in 6 weeks

--Bulky knit, chunky knit: do I really have to explain this one?

What are some of the retail buzzwords that make you go "hmmmm?"

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Weekend Update

First the disappointing news: the dress arrived yesterday and is going right back. Apparently this line runs VERY small. I'd figured of course it would be too snug at my current weight, but the moment I opened the package and held it up, I knew that short of achieving my mid-twenties-post-divorce-bout-of-anorexia-weight, there was no way that slender garment would ever zip, let alone look right. The size I ordered was supposed to correlate in European sizing to my own, but I couldn't even get my arm all the way into the sleeve. (I'd guess the fit was actually about two sizes smaller than what I normally wear.) Regarding the dress itself, the fabric is lovely and it seems to be quite well made. Still, I can't imagine anyone paying the original price of $605; it's just not that special. So the search continues.

The better news: things are going well with Weight Watchers. After the first week, I passed beyond the hungry-enough-to-gnaw-your-own-arm-off phase, and adjusting my plan to include a good chunk of protein at lunch seems to have vanquished the late afternoon bouts of hypoglycemia I experienced the first few days. I've dropped four pounds in about 2½ weeks, and though I know that rate will taper off, it's enough so that my clothes are fitting less like sausage casings.

In all honesty, it was a relief to finally acknowledge the degree to which this extra weight has been bothering me, and to commit to work on it. (And thanks to all of you who wrote such supportive comments!) I've thought a lot about why that was so hard for me to do, despite my frustration and dissatisfaction with my appearance. Ultimately, that reluctance comes from fear. First, I have a lot of good friends who are committed to non-dieting (often as a part of recovery from eating disorders, and my own experience tells me that learning to eat intuitively is absolutely a necessary part of the healing process), and I've been afraid of disappointing them by "going over to the Dark Side," as we used to say. I've had many people in my life who have become judgemental, self-righteous and more than a bit obnoxious after losing weight. I was afraid of becoming one of those people. Finally, my own experience of being eating disordered through my teens and twenties, and the way it shrunk my world down to calories, grams and pounds is something I've never wanted to repeat. Two decades of food and weight obsession left me with an adversarial relationship with my body and boatloads of free-floating anxiety which took years to overcome. I've been afraid of undoing that fragile peace, and reigniting a life-diminishing obsession.

It's still early in the process, but none of those things I fear seem to have manifested yet. I'm able to go about my day without thinking constantly about what I've eaten or when I get to eat next (planning out meals in advance certainly helps with this), and I'm not hopping on and off the scale every hour, or even every day. I'm still committed to seeing beauty in all sizes, and believing that everyone knows for themselves what's best for their own bodies. I know that my weight is not a measure of my worth. I'm able to eat "real" food, including eating out, and am not feeling deprived or anxious. So far, so good.

Maybe it's never to late to achieve that sense of bien dans sa peau.

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On Safari with...Talbots????

Definitely seeing a new aesthetic. Batik print tunic, $79.

According to InStyle, "Safari" is one of the hot spring trends.

Talbot's has it covered.

Safari Blouse, $139.

I never expected to see something like this from Talbots:
Silk Halter Dress, $199. (Wish it was a better print, though.)

But by far, some of the best safari-themed looks can be found in accessories.


Faux horn cuff, $49.


Ikat linen wrap, $59.

Exotic bead charm bracelet, $69.

Bamboo-handled bag, $199.
Cane print Wellies, $59. (OK, so these aren't exactly consistent with the "safari" theme, but I thought they were fun.)

Tumbled leather hobo, $159.

Botanical print scarf, $59.
Bead necklaces, $109 and $89.
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Not your Grand-mere's Talbots...

From the LA Times:

Hingham, Mass.-based Talbots (a dress from its spring '09 line is pictured) has recently undergone a major face-lift, with a new image more in keeping with a J. Crew shopper than a woman who loves her Chico’s. From the catalog to the clothing, everything is brighter, fresher and more desirable. Spring dresses evoke the spirit of “Mad Men” with bold florals and retro silhouettes for just $139 to $169. A new creative director, chief marketing officer and design team have dusted things off, reinvigorating the overall look and merchandise, while keeping prices as low as before.

Hmmm, so far on their website I'm just seeing a lot of nautical themed items. But I'll be keeping an eye out for the spring collection. I like that dress above.

One thing I have noticed the last couple of seasons is that their catalog/website models are beginning to have a much more naturalistic, less stiff look, not only with regard to poses, but the hair and makeup are also done with a lighter hand. That speaks to a change in aesthetic overall that I welcome.

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The Saturday Night (Closet) Massacre

The Bland Family Closet*

Une femme has been making noises for months about doing a ruthless closet purge, and it has finally happened. Beginning Friday night I spent about 15 hours over the weekend pulling, sorting, bagging up clothes to donate at my local thrift store. (Or photographing and posting over at Emotional Baggage. Make me an offer, I just want these to find a good home!)

A few things I've realized:

1. The hardest clothes to get rid of are the ones I've rarely or even never worn, but that have sentimental value, like my Air Garcia t-shirt (bought in 1992 at the one and only Dead concert I ever attended) or the coffee-themed Hawaiian shirts I bought in Hawaii and wear maybe once ever five years when someone has a luau party. The second toughest items to purge are the ones that I've worn much and loved, but that either are worn out or no longer fit.

2. Impulse buying isn't always a bad thing. Some of the items that have become my core favorites were purchased on impulse. If it speaks to you, it fits, it's within your budget, and you have occasion to wear it, don't dither.

3. After the purge, it's a lot easier to face getting dressed in the morning. I can see everything, and am down to the core pieces that I know actually fit and work for me. Over-abundance and too many choices can be paralyzing, and weigh me down mentally and emotionally.

4. I am just not a skirt/dress person. I kept only two skirts, and no dresses (though I only had two).

5. I am, however, a jacket person (though I already knew that) and while I thinned out my collection considerably, a couple of brilliant additions found their way in over the weekend (more in an upcoming post).

6. I now have a wardrobe that is a) Paris-worthy and b) will cover pretty much any occasion short of black tie (and if I ever get invited to one, I know where I can rent).

7. My tried-and-true wardrobe philosophy (stick to simple, neutral, classic pieces, update with accessories or an interesting jacket) may be boring, but it's what I keep coming back to and what works for me. For some, that might seem like a rut, but after spending so much energy trying to "find my style" I realize I already have.

* Not MY closet, mine isn't that neat and has much more black. Closet photo from here.

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Une femme recommends: Light from the Dark Side

This Eileen Fisher silk top is incredibly lightweight, and layers beautifully under jackets or sweaters. It comes in a variety of colors (note to redheads: Woodland and Currant!). True confession: I had packed this top in black for Paris, and wore almost every day with jeans or black wool trousers. Throw on some jewelry, and it looks elegant and dressy. It's an excellent travel piece: light, versatile and can be washed in the sink and hung to dry overnight.

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Paris Prep - Packing Redux

We're actually about 2/3 packed for our trip! I started packing over the weekend in anticipation of a very busy week and an extremely early departure Saturday morning.

Last time, I brought way too much of everything: clothing, shoes and accessories. I ended up mostly wearing the same six items throughout the week, and some of the bulky items I'd packed "just in case" were just so much deadwood. This time I've edited somewhat, chosen mostly clothes that will be impervious to wrinkles (eliminating the need to pack a travel steamer), stuck with fabrics that are relatively lightweight/not bulky, and chosen a mostly black and grey color scheme (adding scarves for color). The weather report for Paris for next week seems to change day to day, so layers will be key.

Without further ado, here's what I'm hoping will get me through 5 days in Paris and 4 days in New York:

• 2 silk tanks for layering (one black, one graphite)
• 1 white tee shirt for layering
• 1 grey 3/4 sleeve cotton tee
• 1 black silk long sleeve tee
• 1 black silk scoop neck tunic
• 1 black cashmere v-neck
• 1 shorter black lightweight wool cardigan
• 1 longer grey hooded wool cardigan
• 1 pair black wool Banana Republic trousers
• 1 pair charcoal jeans
• 1 pair black jeans
• 1 Chico's Traveller's Jacket, black
• 1 Chico's Traveller's knee-length skirt, black (don't laugh, these dress up easily, can be washed in the sink, and this jacket/skirt combo is one of the most flattering ensembles I own)
• 2 longer necklaces to dress up the Chico's
• Ecco mary janes
• Ferragamo plain black pumps
• 3 favorite Hermès scarves
• 1 oblong warmer scarf
• small vintage Chanel bag for dressy evening
• casual cross-body messenger bag
• packable long microfiber raincoat

Wearing/carrying for travel days:

• black jeans
• black tee shirt
• black silk v-neck sweater
• green pashmina
• black "1803" loafers
• black Miu Miu convertible bag (can be worn crossbody or carried for a dressier look)
• black leather walking coat

Okay, so that seems like a lot, but most of it rolls up and doesn't take up a lot of space. I have to save room in the suitcase for souvenirs, after all.
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Hits and Myths

Last week, Shar at La Femme Couture posted an excellent piece titled Wardrobe Must-Haves...and Myths, a topic I've also been pondering lately, after having read yet another "you-can't-be-truly-stylish-without-these-items-in-your-wardrobe" type articles, that doesn't seem to take into account body type, lifestyle, or climate. I'll admit that in the past I've succumbed to influence of the style book writers (and granted, some of it was good advice that worked for me) but on the whole, I've grown a healthy suspicion of someone else's list of indispensables.

Like Shar, I've found that the White Shirt is one of those items that sounds good on paper, looks very chic on other women, but just doesn't work for me. My combination of large bust and short waist have not yet found a white shirt that is compatible. I don't like to tuck things in; it's just an uncomfortable feeling for me, and I've found few white blouses that don't look sloppy when left untucked. Add to the fact that they tend to wrinkle around the waist after a few hours sitting at my desk, and the overall effect is anything but classic.

T-shirts have become my must-have tops under a jacket or sweater. I love the Banana Republic "Timeless Tee" in black and white, and the Talbot's 3/4 sleeve boatneck tee for cooler weather or worn alone. When the chill really sets in, add a v-neck cashmere pullover (another of my non-negotiables).

The Little Black Dress has achieved mythic status among stylistas, but it's an item that I've managed to make it this far in life without acquiring. (Though not for lack of trying; I'm always on the lookout, but have yet to find one that works for me.) A black suit or a pair of black trousers, on the other hand, are items I can't live without. They've become the backbone of my wardrobe for work, travel and evenings out, and when in doubt I grab my Banana Republic basic black suit, as it's easy to dress up or down with accessories.

I'm still on the fence about trenchcoats. I love the look, but most I've found tend to have too much bulk in the waist, and tying the belt renders the "sack of potatoes" effect. So I tend to wear them open, if at all.

Truly indispensable for me is a black leather walking length jacket, like this one. Worn over a cashmere sweater, it's warm enough for Southern California winters, and doubles as a raincoat in all but the heaviest downpours.

Accessories: keeping the silhouette simple allows me to play more with scarves and other accessories. Still, there's a less-is-more factor at work, and with my lack of height it's easy to look swamped when there are too many focal points. Indispensables include a good watch, a simple pair of gold hoops, scarves (bien sur) and a favorite fragrance.

Later this week: shoes and bags!

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The Great Pumpkin

Don't be afraid of the orange! More of une femme's Fall Color Faves.

J.Crew calls this color "Pumpkin" but it really looks more ochre to me.

I know, I know, it's Eileen Fisher, but look at that gorgeous color!

I keep hoping this one will go on sale. Lafayette 148.

Chasse en Inde by Hermès from Luxury-Scarves.com.
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