Make Mine A Double...

Espresso, that is.

The researchers found that women who drank two or three cups of caffeinated coffee daily had a 25 percent lower risk of death from heart disease during the follow-up (from 1980 to 2004) than non-drinkers. Women also had an 18 percent lower death risk from a cause other than cancer or heart disease compared with non-coffee drinkers.

Chocolate, red wine, and now this. Life is good.

Dial M for...

A few weeks ago, my doc confirmed my growing suspicion from the last several menarche-free months: I have crossed the hormonal Rubicon. The good news is that this milestone was reached without much gnashing of teeth or hot flashes. However, in what seems to be an attempt to assert who's really still running the show here, my body has suddenly decided to take on a few pounds of extra ballast, rendering about half of my closet's contents just a bit too tight, and turning up the flame a bit under my low-simmering weight preoccupation.

There's no going back to those days of diets and counting points and agonizing over every five ounces up or down. I know better than to get caught up in that downward spiral of body-hatred and yo-yo-ing weight. Been there, done that, had the t-shirt in three sizes. I don't know whether this gain is a temporary aberration, or whether my metabolism has permanently ratcheted down another notch, in which case I need to cull the now too-small items from my wardrobe.

I'm far more sanguine about the deepening lines on my face and the softening jawline than I am about my thickening waistline. It's not like I still held out hope that someday I'd be reed-slender and able to wear all those styles that make me sigh, but my weight and shape had been stable the past few years and I'd worked so hard to make peace with my body. And now, it's changing again. This "aging gracefully" thing isn't so easy, is it?

Care and Feeding

In my 20's, I had a close friend who was heavily invested in her appearance, especially with regard to maintaining a very toned, thin body. She made no bones (no pun intended) about the fact that this was the most important thing in her life. People were always commenting on her slender figure and asking how she kept it. "I take care of myself," she'd sniff just a bit haughtily. Her version of taking care of herself demanded unswerving and relentless rigidity regardless of circumstance: eating less than 1000 calories per day, usually two but sometimes three daily aerobics classes, and eventually, abuse of laxatives. (Do I have to admit that my younger, eating-disordered self envied her for her thinness and for what I perceived at the time as strength and discipline, only understanding in later years that it sprung from self-hatred and obsession?) We started drifting apart after I started finding my way out of ED-ville, and began moving away from our shared worldview.

So a lot of years passed where hearing the words "I take care of myself" made une femme bristle a bit. It always fell on my ears sounding a bit self-righteous and disingenuous at the same time. I've seen a lot of people do a lot of ultimately self-destructive things in the name of "taking care of themselves" which to many always seems to equate to "staying thin and young-looking." And I've seen some naturally very thin people with really crappy habits get a pass, and get credited with good self-care when it's really mostly Doritos and genetics.

But to be able to live a stylish, adventurous, balanced, delicious life after 50, more and more attention to self care is required. So what does that look like? And how does one separate what really nurtures and energizes from what is intended to achieve a specific culturally-approved look? I've come to realize that this is a highly individual formula, and that it must shift with time and circumstances. Taking care of myself in my 20's meant (among other things) running three miles a few times a week, because it made me feel wonderful and gave me lots of energy, but that same regimen would be murder on my joints today. (I miss running, I really do.)

Self-care at this point in time involves the following (in no particular order):

• A bit of protein with every meal, and fresh fruits and veggies as often as possible.


• Limiting sugary foods to immediately after meals (prevents blood sugar crashes)


• Walking as much as possible, and once I'm cleared by the orthopedist, riding my recumbent stationary bike a few times a week


• Regular dental care (more and more evidence that gum disease is a factor in a host of other serious conditions, such as heart disease!) Flossing daily in addition to brushing.


• Regular medical checkups


• Remembering to take my thyroid med every morning


• Sleep (getting 8 hours is a challenge at times, but I try)


• Wearing clothing that fits my body NOW, not when I'm five pounds thinner


• Wearing a seatbelt (it's the law here, but still)


• Down time where no one is making demands on me (I get up an hour before the rest of my family to achieve this)


• SUNSCREEN. Every day. 40+ SPF.


• Writing for this blog.


• Doing some stretches daily, again once the orthopedist signs off (I'm restricted from certain movements until my bones have fused to my artificial hip)


• Vitamin, calcium, and fish oil tablets daily


• A bit of dark chocolate daily, and a glass of wine a few times a week.


• A good laugh at my own expense at least once a day. ("I used to be disgusted/But now I'm just amused.")

While this may sound like an exhaustive (and perhaps exhausting!) list, the truth is that I've been able to incorporate most of these into my daily routines and they now are mostly habit. Although no one would probably ever point to me as a picture of glowing fitness, the rest of my life doesn't have to wind and twist like a topiary around what I do in the name of health. Because really, how "healthy" would that be?

Shooting Fish in a Barrel

Spit in any direction, and you'll probably hit an egregious example of weight fascism in the fashion industry. But two separate items I came across one right after the other really highlight just how pervasive and extreme it can get.

First, via Too Fat For Fashion, comes an article in the Wall St. Journal about Ali Michael, who was all but shut out of the runway shows at Paris fashion week because her legs were too fat.

"It's hard to imagine Miss Michael, a willowy, 5-foot-9-inch teenager, being told her legs are too fat. Last season, Miss Michael made herself sick keeping her weight down, said her mother. Miss Michael's reward was to be heralded as the next supermodel.
She opened Lanvin in Paris a year ago and walked the runways of Karl Lagerfeld, Christian Lacroix, Chanel, John Galliano, Dior, Rodarte and others. She appeared in Harper's Bazaar, Teen Vogue and W magazines and was personally congratulated by Vogue's Anna Wintour.
...
Her mother, a stunning woman who was once a model herself, said her daughter's model friends have struggled to get thinner in recent months and that her daughter, worried about her health, chose not to starve herself."

Also, "Nobody here has been talking about last year's skinny-model cause célèbre, when a few fashion-industry leaders in Milan and Madrid began talking about instituting body-mass-index requirements after the starvation deaths of several models. This year, the models are just as thin -- if anything, they look thinner. This was particularly visible in Paris, which sets modes for clothes and fashion shows around the world."

And speaking of Paris and trendsetting, this article in New York Magazine profiles Carine Roitfeld of French Vogue. (h/t Belle de Ville at Beverly Hills Branchée) Whether you love her, hate her, hail her as a genius of style, revile her as a vapid twit, or any combination thereof, Roitfeld is unapologetic about her weight prejudices.

"In Roitfeld’s world, models are never too skinny, diamonds are never too expensive.
.....
“One thing,” she says. “I have in my office—what you call in America? Something to weigh?”
A scale?
“A scale. So people always say that I weigh my staff, and it is totally wrong. All my girls are very skinny and very chic and very beautiful. And if they are not beautiful, well, then they are very charming. So people always say that I weigh them, but no. I don’t weigh my girls.”
.....
“Doesn’t she look like Nicole Kidman?” Roitfeld says of the assistant posted at her door. “I told you, all the girl who work at French Vogue are vewy skinny and beautiful.”
.....
Roitfeld is 48 hours off a ten-day vacation in Thailand during which she worked a great deal on meditation.
How was this trip?
“You think this will be so glamorous,” she sighs. “You have the idea in your mind and then you get there and the people in the hotel …” She grimaces and gestures hugely in the hip area. “There were lots of people who were so fat and like that.”

Sometimes words fail me. (Yet Vogue Paris has also recently included an editorial shoot featuring Crystal Renn, who is gorgeous, but not "skinny." Or maybe it was just a backhanded French jibe about fat Americans. Geau figure.)

Some would argue either that a) the images of uber-thin models are meant to be artistic and aspirational and that we're all too smart to think we are really supposed to be that thin, or b) that all fashion images are inherently oppressive and harmful to women and that we should burn our fashion magazines and shop at the Army/Navy surplus store or make our own clothing. For me, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I like looking at pretty pictures of clothes, but also know that if 5'9" and 110 lbs is presented the ONLY kind of body wearing the clothes, it can certainly create some self-doubt about one's own appearance. These days it helps that I have a fully functioning reality filter, which unfortunately I didn't at the age of 14 when I thought I was supposed to look like the models in "Seventeen" and thought I could achieve it if I just lost enough weight.

I know that looking at pictures skeletal models doesn't cause anorexia/bulimia/eating disorders (right now the ball seems to be in the "genetic predisposition" court) but I do think dieting can trigger ED's and being presented with a single homogeneous stick-thin image of beauty leads to dieting and/or body hatred, which latest research indicates is a health risk in itself. And girls/women already in the grip of anorexia use those skeletal images as "thinspiration." Would women stop buying Vogue (or the products advertised in Vogue) if some of the models looked like Crystal Renn instead of, say, Anabela Belikova, or were older, or more racially or otherwise diverse? (And in the same vein, would people stop going to the movies if protruding collarbones were not a job requirement lead actresses?) Maybe it's reached that point, but I tend to think not.

But even though models have been thinner than the average woman since the early part of the 20th century, they were not always expected to have a skeletal, emaciated look. Check out this video clip of Chanel's 1959 collection, or do a google search on vintage fashion images. The women are slender, yes, but still have some curves and muscle definition, and their knees aren't the widest part of their legs. As much as fashion industry insiders like to protest that the current crop of models is "just naturally skinny" and that they "eat like horses," common sense says that a good percentage of them have to be seriously restricting food in order to achieve the desired look. And the deaths of two models last year as a result of eating disorders bears this out.

I can't say for sure what's behind the current emaciation requirement for models. Maybe it's just inertia (trends tend to keep moving in a given direction without strong enough intervention) or maybe designers are too lazy to try to create clothes that will look good on women with fully developed bodies. Maybe it's a reaction against the perception of an "obesity epidemic." Maybe it really is fear of and antagonism toward women. Whatever the reason, it's ridiculous, it's unhealthy and it's time for a change.

If you read only one thing today...

...head over to Maya's Granny and read her posts on the Minnesota Starvation Study here and here. Maya's Granny and I share similar experiences in this area, and the belief that diets not only don't work, but actually ultimately lead to long term weight gain in most people.


One of my favorite quotes on this topic comes from Naomi Wolf in The Beauty Myth, "Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women's history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one."

(Just a note: while I thought Ms. Wolf really hit some bullseyes ts with "Beauty Myth," I do feel she jumped the shark a bit with some of her subsequent stuff.)


Picture from: http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html

Don't Shoot the Messenger

Photo: http://www.nationalmediamuseum.org.uk/Learning/britonsatwar/

According to my physical therapist, I'm suffering from that common 21st Century women's ailment, baggus too heavius. It's been recommended that when I'm toting my usual load, that I use a cross-body bag to help distribute the weight and keep my posture straight.

Of all my stylish bags, I only have one that can be worn cross-body, a Balenciaga flat messenger I purchased last year in Paris.
While it's a great bag for more casual days, I feel the need for something a notch or two up the dressiness scale that will look appropriate with business casual attire when I return to work in a few weeks.

So a' hunting I went, searching for a chic, feminine and functional cross-body bag. I tried to keep my expectations realistic, as messenger-style bags tend to be inherently more casual (and masculine) than satchels or shoulder bags.

First stop, Hayden-Harnett. I've purchased H-H bags in the past, and love their downtown styling with uptown functionality. Two bags there caught my eye, the Barnard Crossbody,

and the Sao Paulo Crossbody.
Both have nice styling and are a good medium size, but are still a bit on the too casual side.



Though I generally am adverse to spending premium dollars for nylon bags, Tod's has a reputation for excellent workmanship and durability. This Nylon Messenger might also be lighter than leather bags as well as good option for a travel bag. It's a simple design without a lot of trendy detailing to look dated in five or ten years so could potentially be a good investment, but in the final tally it's just to blah and utilitarian to win me over.
Various searches for "women's messenger bags," "messenger bags," "cross-body bags" yielded up a lot of sites featuring more briefcase/luggage-esque or college-student-appropriate cloth messenger bags. Oh, and tokidoki and Hello Kitty bags. o_O

Balenciaga still seems to be the crème de la crème when it comes to messenger style bags. This Women's Besace Messenger is tempting (the strap can be adjusted longer to wear cross-body) but it's a bit on the spendy side.

Anyone have any chic-yet-functional-and-won't-eat-too-deeply-into-the-Paris-travel-fund suggestions?

Finding Myself Through Food

Jan Steen: Girl Eating Oysters

I was just catching up over at Harriet Brown's terrific blog, Feed Me! and this post really resonated with my own experience. Lately I've been tempted to write about this, especially with Diet Season™ in full swing with it's onslaught of advertising for various weight loss schemes, drugs and scams.

Harriet quotes Ellyn Satter, a therapist who specializes in food and eating issues:

Competent eaters have positive attitudes about eating and therefore are relaxed about it. They enjoy food and eating and they are comfortable with their enjoyment. They feel it is okay to eat food they like in amounts they find satisfying.


And,

...competent eaters are emotionally and socially healthier than people with low levels of eating competence. They feel more effective, they are more self-aware, and they are more trusting and comfortable with themselves and with other people.


I started dieting in earnest at 14 years old and 103 pounds. I'd been a chubby kid, and even though I'd grown out of my "baby fat," I still thought of myself as fat. My family and friends encouraged the endeavor, and after a week of nothing but cottage cheese, hot dogs and turkey lunch meat, I was down to 95 pounds. Everyone raved about how great I looked. Of course, it didn't last, and soon I was on a cycle of starving/bingeing, losing/gaining that was to last for a many years at my most disordered, and on/off for a couple of decades afterward. During these times I was perpetually anxious around people, around food, and had no sense of who I was or what I wanted. I remember telling a friend, "sometimes I feel like an onion; just keep peeling away the layers and there's no core, just more layers."

I envied my friends who seemed to have a normal and uncomplicated relationship with eating, who could have one cookie or one piece of their mom's zucchini bread, and who didn't seem to be thinking about food All. The. Time. For me, eating "normally" was impossible. I was always hungry, always thinking about food: what I could eat, what I couldn't eat, how I was going to resist having birthday cake at the party, how I was going to be able to sneak back into the kitchen to grab another piece of pizza and then sneak into the bathroom to wolf it down. Today I understand that this was a normal physiological reaction to periodic semi-starvation, but back then I thought it was because I was weak-willed and indulgent, had no willpower, and was morally flawed. Not trusting myself around food spilled over into not trusting myself in most other areas of my life. I had friends who put me down and boyfriends who constantly bugged me about my weight and commented about every bite I took, and I thought this was what I deserved. I wore clothes that were too small and uncomfortable because I thought by punishing myself I'd be more motivated to lose weight.

One day in my early 20's, I was perusing the shelves of my favorite used bookstore, and found myself with a copy of "Fat is a Feminist Issue" in my hands. At the risk of sounding trite, this was a life-changing book for me. I gave myself permission to stop dieting, and almost immediately I stopped bingeing. For the first time in years, I left food on my plate. While it did take a few years to get fully back in tune with my body's hunger and satiety messages, I initially experienced a freedom around food that I previously thought I'd lost forever.


And as I became more in touch with my body again, I also became more in touch with myself, my likes and dislikes, and started living more from the inside out not only in regards to the superficial things but also in regard to the people and relationships in my life. I began to think less in terms of "do they like me?" and more in terms of "do I like them?" It wasn't a smooth or simple path; several times over the next couple of decades I lapsed back into dieting, and each time the anxiety around food and social situations reasserted itself. I haven't given up wishing I were a bit thinner; I'm just no longer willing to sacrifice this peace of mind I have today to that goal. I still worry too much about what others think of me, but am no longer devastated by disapproval. I no longer believe that my self-worth comes from wearing a smaller size, or that having dessert makes me a weak or bad person. And more often than not, I am able to eat a few bites until I'm satisfied, and leave the rest on my plate. By disengaging from our culture's disordered attitude toward food and eating, I've achieved a normal and healthy relationship with food, and with it, a sense of comfort about life in general.

Edited to add: Proof again that great minds think alike, ;-) Maya's Granny has some insightful thoughts today on this topic.

Funky Friday - Leg Liberation Day!!! Edition

Some funky legwear you won't see on the runways this season. In a few hours, I get to kiss these bad boys GOODBYE!!!

The day before my surgery, I was asked by my surgeon's office to participate in a medical research study. Instead of the standard procedure which involves daily injections of blood thinning drugs for two weeks after surgery prevent blood clots, I was selected to wear these cuffs for 10 days instead. They periodically apply pressure squeezing upward on the calves to help move blood through the veins. They're attached to a small portable pump, and I've been required to wear them 24/7 since the surgery except for two or three 30-minute breaks per day. I'm still glad I didn't get selected for the control group who gets the shots, but I will be VERY glad be done with these. So will mon mari; we're going out to lunch to celebrate after I turn the equipment back in to the doctor.

Road to Recovery Blogging

Just wanted to check in and say "Hi" over what is possibly the world's slowest Wi-fi connection. The surgery went well, and I've been up and walking already.

Thanks everyone for your good wishes. Should be home by Friday and already have a Funky Friday post ready to go.

Pre-Op Prep

My idea of evening medication: "Patient in 325B - vodka, three olives."

• Pedicure - Check! (won't be able to reach my feet for a few weeks)


• Leg wax - Check! (ditto shaving)


• Hair color and cut - Check!


• Robe, slippers and sleep shirts - Check!


• Reading material - Check!

If only they could just sedate me now.

Blogging will probably be light the rest of the week, unless I somehow root out an unsecured Wi-fi network a l'hospitalier.

What is Hip...

...Replacement?

Une femme has thrown in the towel.

For the last few years, I've treated my arthritic hip with physical therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture, anti-inflammatory meds, and positive thinking. And for the last few years I've been living with varying levels of pain and a pronounced limp, giving me a rolling gait like a pirogue on the open sea. Pas chic!

A few months ago I reached the point where the discomfort was preventing me from sleeping unless I resort to Heavy Artillery pain meds. I feared I'd soon be popping Vicodin like Dr. House. (Well, not quite like Dr. House; I only take one per night max, and I don't throw them down my gullet without a glass of water.) I am hereby yielding to the surgeon's arts. Henceforth I will need to carry a doctor's note with me when travelling to explain to the TSA why I am setting off the metal detectors.

Surgery is scheduled for January 8. I'll be in the hospital for 3-4 days and then off work for 6-8 weeks. In the short term, I'm looking forward to having lots of time to blog, and long-term hopefully to regaining some mobility and sending Mr. Pain packing for a while.

Who'da thunk it? /sarcasm

And this will be no surprise to many of you: Dieting Does Not Work, UCLA Researchers Report.

File under, Duh! "You can initially lose 5 to 10 percent of your weight on any number of diets, but then the weight comes back," said Traci Mann, UCLA associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study. "We found that the majority of people regained all the weight, plus more. Sustained weight loss was found only in a small minority of participants, while complete weight regain was found in the majority. Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people."

****

"What happens to people on diets in the long run?" Mann asked. "Would they have been better off to not go on a diet at all? We decided to dig up and analyze every study that followed people on diets for two to five years. We concluded most of them would have been better off not going on the diet at all. Their weight would be pretty much the same, and their bodies would not suffer the wear and tear from losing weight and gaining it all back."

****

People on diets typically lose 5 to 10 percent of their starting weight in the first six months, the researchers found. However, at least one-third to two-thirds of people on diets regain more weight than they lost within four or five years, and the true number may well be significantly higher, they said.

****

"Several studies indicate that dieting is actually a consistent predictor of future weight gain," said Janet Tomiyama, a UCLA graduate student of psychology and co-author of the study. One study found that both men and women who participated in formal weight-loss programs gained significantly more weight over a two-year period than those who had not participated in a weight-loss program, she said.

Well whaddaya know? Turns out those of us who have been saying this for years weren't hallucinating (or "lying to ourselves") after all!

And of course Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and all of those other DIET companies out there are going to counter with "Oh, but we're not a diet, we're a LIFESTYLE program!" Don't believe it for even a nanosecond.

(h/t to Big Fat Delicious)